Published on 12, July, 2020
You are autistic. You meet a person you instantly click with and are strongly attracted to. You realise or are informed that that person is also on the spectum. You are aware that your shared neurodivergence may be the cause of your strong attraction. You think that getting together with an autistic person is either the only chance you have of ever having a truly working and deep relationship, or the worst idea you ever had. Which is correct?
(please don't reply that it all depends on the person, as that it is always true, regardless. Neurodivergence and relationships are the issue here. I'm tryiing to explore the pros and cons of partnering with another autistic person)
I was very close to another autistic person for several years. We dated each other on and off, the rest of the time we were just friends. When it was going well it felt like we were on exactly the same wavelength and we could completely be ourselves in a way I had never experienced with another person. Unfortunately we are no longer on speaking terms. still have hope that doubly autistic relationships can work well.
Realistically, it's very unlikely to be your 'only chance ever' of a meaningful relationship, and it's also unlikely to be the worst decision you ever make, as long as you don't lose your head and take stupid risks. Maybe, take it slow see how it goes?
I think, what is most diffiicult about doubly autistic relationships is making sure you both stay on the same page about what the relationship 'is' at each stage. To prevent a huge amount of pain on both sides, talk about this regularly, using direct language that can't be misinterpreted.