Published on 12, July, 2020
You are autistic. You meet a person you instantly click with and are strongly attracted to. You realise or are informed that that person is also on the spectum. You are aware that your shared neurodivergence may be the cause of your strong attraction. You think that getting together with an autistic person is either the only chance you have of ever having a truly working and deep relationship, or the worst idea you ever had. Which is correct?
(please don't reply that it all depends on the person, as that it is always true, regardless. Neurodivergence and relationships are the issue here. I'm tryiing to explore the pros and cons of partnering with another autistic person)
Go for it, stop worrying about whats correct, I think that you're over thinking it. Relationships are always a risk you might find you're incompatible with someone after a week, a month, a year, 10 years, but you could have a life long happy and fulfilling relationship.
For myself I've realised I'm happier out of relationships altogether, a lot of partners have blamed their own problems on me, "being weird", this was before my diagnosis. It took me a quite a long time and some therapy to realise that my needs and wishes are just as important as everyone elses. When I was a young woman, like many others regardless of neurological status, I'd bought into the disneyfied myth of "happy ever after", nobody ever tells you what happy ever after is, or how you live it. Rather than think about whether to date an autistic person, I think about what myths about relationships you may have bought into either conciously or subconciously, as I think this will be better in the long term no matter who you date or what type of relationships you have.
Oh I am under NO such delusion, my friend. Most relationships fail, and most of them very badly. I've been single 14 years, and have no intention of burdening myself again with other people neuroses and insecurities. The last thing I need is someone in my life whose job it is to make me feel bad when I fail to meet their unvoiced expectetions. For me, friends with benefits is the only relationship that makes sense. I just wanted to know how people felt about compatability among people like us. I have an over zealous sense of empathy, and I was wondering if this is typical among aurtistic people, and whether two people sharing this or other similar neurodivergent traits might fair better in a relationship, or if it might cause more problems.
This is a thought experiment. Not an appeal for advice.