Communication difference & Possible TW (mention of suic*de)

I was thinking about something that happened last year

I was wearing my Frozen shirt and was sitting in class.
Mrs Y came over and said "I like your shirt! Guess whos going to Frozen Broadway on sunday?"
I then stared at her while smiling waiting for her to continue the conversation. I wasnt sure what to say because obviously its her whos going, otherwise why would she bring it up? But I didnt know if I was supposed to respond 'you?' or maybe I should say 'cool' or something?
Anyway I just stared at her smiling probably looking like an idiot. She stared at me smiling waiting for my responce. And the class was staring at both of us. Then eventually the teacher said "Its me. Im going." and then I just smiled and nodded.
I probably shouldve told her how I was going too but on tuesday, it didnt cross my mind in the moment though.

And then today this boy, Drew (he makes fun of me), went up to me and said "hey youre in my math class. Do you wanna hear me rap?" then he just started rapping, I started laughing, then he finished and said "is that tough?". I just shrugged because I have no idea how id know how difficult it was for him to rap. Unless 'tough' is a slang that I didnt catch on to. Then him and his friends started laughing and Drew went on saying stuff about me. 

Am I just really bad at interaccting with people? I know theres a communiction difference between NT and ND, but I feel like im worse at it  than I should be

Now unrelated thing... TW

So people think of ending their life when they feel like there isnt any point in living anymore. But I was thinking, why dont people end their lives when they are happy? If you did that you could ensure that things wouldnt go bad again, and you would be dying happy. Is that a thing people do?

Ill be honest that id be quite satisfied with ending my life today. But im not depressed and nothing super bad happened. I wont do anything but still

Parents
  • Anyone who makes fun of you is only making themselves prove to be less than you. Nobody who is truly strong whether that's inside or outside picks on other people. They are idiots and you should just totally ignore them. I've tried to end my life many times, and still I am drinking myself to death, but I no longer suffer the illusion that other people are better thanyou  me. Being Autistic is difficult, it's okay to feel sad.

  • Nobody who is truly strong whether that's inside or outside picks on other people.

    Thats probably true

    I've tried to end my life many times, and still I am drinking myself to death, but I no longer suffer the illusion that other people are better thanyou  me.

    How are you doing by the way?

  • I'm sad but I think life will get better soon. I think life sometimes gets easier the older you get. I have developed strategies to cope with things that are difficult. 

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