Published on 12, July, 2020
Well my post diagnosis was messy and the mute shut down and rejection of alll medical assistance was the out working of a failier of response that is typical of the mental health provisions in surrey. the few people I saw were ok and the psychiatrist did get me a step along but i was wel annoyed that his paper work was nessacary to qualify what i had been bleeting on about for years anf even now the system has let me drift off because i was traumatise dby the 40 questions it takes to get an assesment to go on the 18 month waiting list for therapy. PLEASE
So how was i exumed from my silence and driven from my pyjamas and the doldrums of indifferent failier and the contemplations of my own execution that I willing ly considered and rejected to continue what I saw as fsithful but self detructive choice to live.
Well She is called Foxy anad she is the dumped dog who escaped the battersey death nell, to become my little world of sucess on a different world view of things.
You can see her baby picture here
http://www.alldogsmatter.co.uk/?dogs-rehomed,7
I am up at 4 to keep the floor dry and when she eats I remember to, her walks and my medication go together and all in all we are a good team, I have to be the boss and eat first and have learned to shout or bark when I am not happy with realy bad behaviour, I am the one who is at the training classes she is well smart and had to go up a class.
The staff at the school responded in fine style to my iam autistic card and a few of them have first hand experience and experts in the friend and family line who would consult to help my challenges, which was overwhelming on the first day.
http://adolescentdogs.com/ have been exelent in their understanding and have been keen to help me keep a sfe and happy doe mostly I needed reassuring that i wass not breaking her in some way.
So I was lead out of the rock under which I crawled realy by a small bright inteligent Little Red Dog, called Foxy.
WB
When ther are no languages to bridge the devide it is the best of us as animals that we have in common, it is sad that we despise this beauty in ourselves as base and of no value or function, for I think it is the very antidote to all that ails us as a result of the toxicity of the life we call modern.
Foxy has three legs, kinda nearly, with all the driving over the last few weeks Foxy's needs have been amazing in that she got to run in what I now think might be one of her favourite places, the bleed on her foot bacam a bump and then a mytohistoma, for benin tumor but it had tto come off as she was in pain with it and like any other tumor it grew and bled as it went, so the running stopped and then when she was going to be spayed at the same time mother nature took over and she came into her first season, probably the oestrogen driving the growth of the tumor, so for the last two weeks we have been through many repeated dressings and sox that she chose from the draw. pink ones every time.
so she has a boot and her last dressing on this week and is ready to stand yesterday and today. no puppies on the horizon though we promised when we got her, she will be done in march. the equinox seems ot be her thing, and she is true to the moon so i will choose that for her when she is done.
The meds thing is going well and as i was wwierder than usual on themm I am looking well sorted on the climb down, I got fat on these things and what with not walking I look like i ate all the pies at the moment.
Just found foxy's lost pink ball to her delight, and i wish to announce at the tender age of 48 that after decades of effort and tears that the impossible has been breached and i am enjoying the elements of PLAY, yes after loads of affirmations to the contrary i can play it seems foxy is not the only one to secum to the power of the BALL.
The bandages come off next week if i can keep the dressing on that long, i go to see a shrink who can see i have been sent from pillar to post and should not again be in her department but wants to help, slight catch - she does'nt think I am autistic.mmmmmmmmmmm no accounting for who they will gice a degree to these days or an advanced post in regional mental health, so in to the lions den on monday and i know she has not contacted mt partner or support worker, go figure.
My complaint to ICAS is on the go and i am hoping to achieve an awareness that there is no adult pathway in the system for adults with mental health needs but they already know that and I am trying to get blood out of the PCT that is afraid of the avalance to follow, I am pleased that I have done my utmost at this point. I did ask which bit of myself i would have to cut off this time to get their attention if they were only moved by such things. But they are all men in suits full of the corperate fear that freazes the soul and turns compassion cold, so we shall see, soon enough.
I am looking forward to giving the loaned car back this week end and walking with foxy in full form after next weekend.
The house is full of oestral dog hair shed in the season phase and we have not had the heating on enough for that to be the reason.
I am gradually dumping all meds and going for a referal to the national hospital if i can as the surgeons around here are very happy for my active life to be a thing of the passed but i am no sure they are anything than budget minded and i have an appointment with a marathon to keep. rage is a wonderful thing when used to fire and engine of adrenaline. I have never been more willing to readjust to pain againg in a long time and I know that the autistic ability to bar pain is well well off the consideration charts, but i am buggered if i will take the *** that they say is good and leave off the stuff i say works.
what a bunch of pratts. Angry doesn't cover it but i have rediverted and channeled a whole lot more in my time and I do know how to play with the mind without the drugs. will revert to a few of my own options as go for the freedom and autonomy.
Diagnosis is a real important issue if you are on an ordinary pay check, the rest is just the lottery of a passable gp fair consultant and if they exist a good psychiatrist, but i am more than sure they are the ones mowing grass for a living in the west country or painting windows in rhyl and plumbing in wales, for a living the corperate spin round on funcionality and time has reached the shrinks schedule and productivity measures have to be met one way or another or bust, the carpenters are in the bust group too.
Sooooooooooo good luck with the yellow brick road that is the journey of the tin man and let me know how it goes i do suggsst you phone the pct and ask them what the pathway is for assesment for a child of ? age etc, just so you can save youself the run around. They may keep you on hold for a couple of weeks but do the diary i spoke to blah on, at, etc. and you will get bast the panick and sand bags and remind them that the minister for health has stated that the decissions for these things are to be made by pct's, If there was one, god help us !
Let me know if i can provide any pearls, and hold on to your hat as you go.
So the soggy is creeping in wiht the morning dose but at least i can remember sane and amy clear autistic mind when the stuff wears off in between doses. vile stuff; i feel sorry for the poor buggers who HAVE to take this crap, to stop life being aone fit after another, no suprise that the ticking that had become a feature of my thought process has gone for a bit but that is no exchange and as evr another consultant bites the dust.
What is ait about stay away from the brain that they seem to miss when i speak, is ther some neon light that turnes on in them that some how the idea that monotropic is an aberation, that we are faulty no notion that an be an ok state in its own right. dont get me started. bloody froid.
So foxy has had me playing ball while this is composed so it will be interesting to see how it turned out.
Glad the school is getting smart mat be ask the help line if ther are some in line tools the school can access to the benifit of the whole school community. Putting a gold star in you and moving you from sandbagging to a pro active place, go on oats you can do it rise above the tantrums and judgements and the fears thse have bestowed over the years. You do after al have an expertise. Thought of becoming a teachers assiistant ? ask the head what she thinkds of the idea of specialising, a small school is perfect and it would take you where you want to go with a force to balance the distance of the run, you never did like ironing and the washing did you ? Part time home for a change ?
Love you lots had you on my mind the whole time and just for giggles MODDy's do any of you follow this one are we on the leader board or what.
Take care oats
It is how we percieve ourselves that matters, but to effect change; it is how many share that view that matters.