Published on 12, July, 2020
Well my post diagnosis was messy and the mute shut down and rejection of alll medical assistance was the out working of a failier of response that is typical of the mental health provisions in surrey. the few people I saw were ok and the psychiatrist did get me a step along but i was wel annoyed that his paper work was nessacary to qualify what i had been bleeting on about for years anf even now the system has let me drift off because i was traumatise dby the 40 questions it takes to get an assesment to go on the 18 month waiting list for therapy. PLEASE
So how was i exumed from my silence and driven from my pyjamas and the doldrums of indifferent failier and the contemplations of my own execution that I willing ly considered and rejected to continue what I saw as fsithful but self detructive choice to live.
Well She is called Foxy anad she is the dumped dog who escaped the battersey death nell, to become my little world of sucess on a different world view of things.
You can see her baby picture here
http://www.alldogsmatter.co.uk/?dogs-rehomed,7
I am up at 4 to keep the floor dry and when she eats I remember to, her walks and my medication go together and all in all we are a good team, I have to be the boss and eat first and have learned to shout or bark when I am not happy with realy bad behaviour, I am the one who is at the training classes she is well smart and had to go up a class.
The staff at the school responded in fine style to my iam autistic card and a few of them have first hand experience and experts in the friend and family line who would consult to help my challenges, which was overwhelming on the first day.
http://adolescentdogs.com/ have been exelent in their understanding and have been keen to help me keep a sfe and happy doe mostly I needed reassuring that i wass not breaking her in some way.
So I was lead out of the rock under which I crawled realy by a small bright inteligent Little Red Dog, called Foxy.
WB
When ther are no languages to bridge the devide it is the best of us as animals that we have in common, it is sad that we despise this beauty in ourselves as base and of no value or function, for I think it is the very antidote to all that ails us as a result of the toxicity of the life we call modern.
Foxy and her hormones, wether that is her season setting to turn on of my partner and i having a mary, it make no difference, a naff weekend is a naff weekend for all.
I spent the morning asleep with my puppy and cried till it was asilly thing to do, not got the hang of stopping this the second time round, having learned to cry it is harder to stop this time. A work in progress.
Till such time I defered to the dog and we are having a day of silence all the enthusiasm of talking and the new stuff has tarnished quickly with an nt's idea of emotional mayhem to bust up a good thing.
The hand signal traininng has paid off and I get to talk with hand signals to the dog that is cool, and has diffused my frustration with all the wasted efforts asking to be taught makaton, its a kids thing AGAIN. I am fer more attracted to my silence these days and have settled in to the fact that, learning to ask for help is just another NT idea without any benifit, hey ho ! but this is now a settling resignation that i am getting comfortable with.Why I ever thought the grass was ever greener on the other sid eof my experience I will never know but am glad to be passing this notion reppidly now.
IN chineese understanding HOPE is a deamon and bringer of sorrow.