Published on 12, July, 2020
I didn't like school much espech secondary because it was a huge school and I was bullied a lot
Primary school was ok at first because I went to a really small school which was actually an old building
This was it
It's since been turned in to flats sadly :(
My secondary school was monstrous lol XD I hated it from start to finish.
I enjoyed learning but I would have preferred doing it from home :)
Sometimes I miss school but mostly its bad memories.
In the hall at my first school we did a Christmas show and sang silent night together my mum has it on video it's a strange video because I'm only small and don't really look like me now.
Ah, School...
Where to start?
My first primary school was a small. Victorian building, with a nice garden where we grew plants - flowers and vegetables. I think it was ok, I wasn't unhappy there. We moved when I was eight and I went to a different primary school, a bit bigger, built in the early 20th Century. It was ok too, for a couple of years. Then the arrival of a girl who bullied me all the way from there until we moved again when I was 14. She was absolutely merciless and relentless in her bullying, I had no respite, ever, when I was at school. She was obsessed with tormenting me. One day, in the corridor, between lessons, she was at again, and I was ignoring her again, trying to at least, and she hated that, she wanted her power to be felt - so she hit me over the back of the head with her school bag, full of heavy books... It's hard to convey the shock and pain, really. But that was the snapping point for me, finally, after four years of it. Something took over and I fought back - as adults had been telling me to all that time. I'm not sure the result was what they had in mind. She went to hospital to have stitches and I went home. I didn't speak for several days and I didn't return. I am certainly not given to violence - before or since. I am generally peaceful, like quiet and solitude by nature. I was just overwhelmed - by the bullying, the other abuse I was enduring.
II went to a different school a few miles away, which catered for 'troubled' children. Although in fact I wouldn't have been troubled if I'd been left alone..
It was nice there, adults were kind. It had a lot of outdoor space, which I loved. My sibling went too and finally learned to read, so it was good for him too. His fire-starting habits were observed... and finally passed. It was a positive experience.
After doing other things, I trained to teach, and did, for a while, but it was a toxic environment and led to major burnout. I am now working in a different school role and finding that tough, so whether I stay - I don't know. I'm there because I'm acutely aware of the difference school experience can make and feel almost a duty to try to make a contribution towards positive outcomes.
I’ve read a few autobiographies by autistic authors, there does seem to be a pattern. My experience was similar to yours, one bully was the worst, I was his personal mission, the bullying just went on and on. Sometimes I took refuge in the school library until one day I finally snapped, it was like every memory of him, anger and just about every emotion exploded all at once, I punched him just once so hard in the face that I knocked him out, he had a huge black eye, the worst part was I didn’t have the words afterwards to explain myself. The other boy was from a wealthy family and was moved to a fee paying school, there was only about 6 months of school left. My father thought I had finally stood up for myself, I had to apologise and got detention, the bullying was much less afterwards, I was looked at as more the quiet psycho one. I’ve never hit anyone since.
Strangely my younger brother had a fire problem, it started with him lighting a small fire in the middle of the lounge carpet when about 4 and finally progressed to him trying to burn his school down in a school holiday . That ended up with a plain clothes police visit.
We would often be told that my father had “gone into one,” his meltdowns were quite horrific, my mother would be ’ ‘sectioned’ during our childhood, there’re was never a dull moment. I don’t think I’m the only autistic in the family.
I’m glad you are back in a teaching environment, it only takes one good member of staff to make a massive difference to a young person.
Autism biographies are really interesting and some can be very inspiring ^^