meltdowns

thank you, i’ve written out a meltdown plan today incase it happens again, and given it also to loved ones so they know. Hopefully that should help a little bit. 

thanks you everyone for your help! 

It really does mean a lot know there are others out there dealing with the same issues you are. It’s easy to someone feel isolated and stupid at times 

No not easy, I’m sorry that you have been made to feel heavier than is minimal, it does speak to your strength though.. 

I hope that you manage to find a safe-space to wait out meltdown every time you need to..

My husband can't cope with my meltdowns at all, which is very difficult for us both. He has schizo-affective disorder, it seems to me that this is why he seems utterly unable to not only help, but also even unable to avoid actually making them worse. The only way we have found is for him to go away and let me calm down by myself.

Fortunately my meltdowns have not been in dangerous places where I have needed help, I do worry how it might be if that ever happened, it scares me that the person i am supposed to be able to rely on is unreliable, just as it scares me that I myself can be unreliable. It also makes me sad. But it is how he is and I do not know any way to help him, all i can try and do is try to avert the situation from getting worse when I feel one coming on. Which is not easy!!! (massive understatement!) 

If that’s your dog in that profile pic, tell him the observe the dog, what does it do to non-declaratively communicate with you? Or not? It will teach them a great-deal about dealing with meltdown..

I think you need to explain that you have a trouble with social-interaction, which I’m sure you have, but I think you need to make the connection (for him). That trying to extinguish a meltdown, by trying to calm an autist down with social-interaction, is like treating a burn-wound with fire..

Thank you so much for the links to the books, i’ll definitely give them a look 

Fen said:

Does anyone either relate to this, have and ideas or tips? 

On the ideas front, the following book would be useful for both of you:

From Anxiety to Meltdown - How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively - Deborah Lipsky (2011)
ISBN 9781849058438

The person you have who struggles to help when you have meltdowns may well have issues themselves and your behaviour when in meltdown mode is probably triggering them too. Telling them they just need to remain calm is kind of like them telling you not to meltdown - it is near impossible to change your nature.

If this is the case then it is unfair for them to have to deal with you in that situation so you may need to have them just walk away (if you are in a safe space) or think of letting them go if you are melting down regularly to stop them from suffering too.

You need to think of more than just your own wellbeing here - this person may also be suffering guilt, anxiety and fear as a result so educating them with this book is a good start but if they still struggle then you should look for some counselling to help further if they are up for it.

What have you tried to manage the anxiety that leads to meltdown? You may also want to consider this book for pointers:

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)
ISBN 9781843108955

You are in a difficult situation but a constructive approach is your best way to make it at least a bit better. Good luck.

thank you so much

I'm so sorry you experience this.

I wish I had some tips to help. I do completely relate as this happens to me too. My family don't understand my autism and if I have a meltdown they tell me to pull myself together and don't cope well when I'm in a state.

It's led to me being more withdrawn. 

This page on NAS explains about meltdowns so you could look at showing this to the people closest to you and see if it helps them as well.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

I feel for you because of your anxiety about having a meltdown in the presence of the other person, and I feel for them too. It's not often that I have what I perceive to be meltdowns, but I'm willing to admit that I have found it distressing when I've witnessed other people having them.

My fingers are crossed that other members will see your post, and be able to offer you some useful suggestions based on their own experiences.