I used to be cuddly and want sex, now I don't like being touched at all.

Just thought I'd add my thoughts again...

I can honestly say that if I had been in a relationship when my dad died, I think it is highly unlikely I would have been in the mood for anything other than a comforting cuddle, as I was too consumed with grief. The death of your mother is an immense thing to come to terms with. It's hardly surprising that you're feeling the way you are, and that's before one considers everything else you have mentioned.

Although I don't claim to be a relationship expert, I think it can often be the case that when a relationship goes through a rocky patch, it's the result of several issues building up over time, rather than one particular thing. If it's of any consolation, your situation sounds perfectly normal to me. Chances are, you and your husband will likely find yourself encountering more bumps along the way. It's just a matter of working with each other to resolve any issues as and when they arise.

For what it's worth, I think Iain has offered some excellent suggestions.

Happier_in_pjs said:

i will try to get my point across but I'm not sure he will listen. It's either he doesnt listen or I just can't explain myself properly. It's probably a bit of both! 

If he won't take your clear and direct request then this is something to raise in couples counselling. It does demonstrate a lack of respect.

Happier_in_pjs said:

I get snappy and just want to be left alone for a while and I end up being annoyed with him for the rest of the day.

To my untrained ear this sounds like resentment. It may be connected to his lack of respect.

To look at what a therapist will cover in couples counselling it helps to understand the four basic types of destructive behaviours in a relationship (often called the four horsemen):

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-gottman-method-5191408

From your writing I see contempt from both and possibly criticism from your side - these all need addressing through the techniques talked about on that page.

I've been there, done the therapy and survived which is why I know a bit about it.

I'm not qualified to give advice but a therapist would be. I would suggest getting one for your personal issues and a different one for the couples issues to avoid any clashes of interest.

It isn't that difficult in comparison to where you are at the moment and it can actually be fun at stages.

He was really good and supportive, but I feel like it's too much. He's too overly focused on my feelings and making sure I'm OK. I've told him this as well, I am very open and blunt with him. Like in the mornings, he wants to kiss and asks how I am and I get snappy and just want to be left alone for a while and I end up being annoyed with him for the rest of the day. I just want to be and not focus on my feelings all the time. 

Haha i will try to get my point across but I'm not sure he will listen. It's either he doesnt listen or I just can't explain myself properly. It's probably a bit of both! 

Happier_in_pjs said:

he can be very needy and I can feel suffocated at times.

When this is taken in context with the loss of your mother, there may be unresolved issues of you not feeling supported enough through this process. He should be the one looking after your needs not the other way around.

If you do feel this way then I would tell him this (if I were in your shoes). He may not realise that he is being needy so if you tell him it is an unattractive quality then he may get the message. Just point out that you don't want an Andrew Tate personality either - something in between would be nice.

I think that's probably a good idea. I've suggested counselling in the past, I think now is the time to get the ball rolling. 

Haha I'm the gamer in the house. I think it's more he's the breadwinner, I'm stuck at home as I'm quite isolated as I'm easily overwhelmed, i do most of the housework. Ive only recently been diagnosed as well. 

He's not put me off, but he can be very needy and I can feel suffocated at times. I just annoy myself because he's such a good and kind man. I'm struggling to articulate what it is. There's so many things it could be.  I just want those warm feelings back. 

We have lived together for a couple of years and been together for 7 years in total. 

It sounds like you need to speak to a therapist to me - someone to help you process the grief, manage your stress/anxiety levels and deal with the resentment that is building.

Once you have worked through this, it may still take some couples counselling to get your husband on board with getting a bit spicier from time to time. Some men need to have it spelled out to them and more probably would enjoy the extra fun that comes with this.

It's very samey, predictable. I have got alot of stresses, my mum died back in February and I don't think I've dealt with it very well. I also only got my autism diagnosis a few weeks ago and I'm always stuck at home sorting the house out while he's at work. It annoys me he's normal and I'm not and I wish I could be more like him sometimes. Idk. It's a mixture of things I think :/

permit me some really wild speculation and if I’m wrong just tell me. could it be what’s changed is you and that you’ve gotten bored. any  new relationship is super exciting just by being new. You say he’s super affectionate but maybe that’s a little vanilla? Maybe its all just feels a bit samey and your yearning for some variety? 

as I say I’m just speculating.

Happier_in_pjs said:

we were very affectionate. Now I can't stand it.

Sparkly is right in saying that relationships go through phases and sometimes you need to rekindle the spark that brought the affection to your love life.

It is worth taking time to reflect on what is different now. Did you live apart before but now are always in each others spaces? This can lead to resentment that will dampen the romance, but there are ways to work on it.

Has anything else changed for you? It sounds like your husband is still the same, but has anything else changed there that may have turned you off of him? Does he now fart in front of you when he didn't before, does he expect you to do all the housework while he plays games etc? Has he stopped washing as often etc etc?

If you can find that thorn which is throbbing in your paw and causing you to reject the affection then you can start working on it. Talking openly and bluntly about it is a great place to start so you are both on the same page.

From there you need to negotiate a new normal that addresses the root cause of the issue - normally there needs to be give and take on both sides but this is the nature of a stable married life.

One trick to remember is that when you are rejecting him, try to think what it is specifically that you don't want at that time - it can be illuminating.

Sorry I’m finding it difficult to get my head around this. When I enjoy  something I generally keep doing it until something stops me. Even to excess sometimes. So I guess my question must be what’s changed? Is it him or is it you? Has he grown less attractive? Become less attentive? Are you more stressed? Or depressed? Something must’ve changed although I can’t possibly know what it is based on what you told us.

Although I've never been married, I'm aware that it's not uncommon within a relationship to go through phases of not being quite as affectionate as one may previously have been.

When I was younger, I considered myself to have a fairly high sex drive, as did the boyfriend I was with at the time. The sex was always amazing, but I remember there was a phase when I just wasn't interested, and this lasted for several months. I wasn't on medication, so it wasn't like my decreased libido was being caused by medication. 

There were times when my boyfriend would lean in to kiss me or give me a cuddle, and I would literally push him away and recoil in horror. I have no idea why because I was deeply in love with him and found him incredibly attractive.

I'm afraid I have no answers, but just to say that I feel I can relate to the situation you have found yourself in.

Just a thought, but if there are things happening in your life that are causing you to feel more tired and/or stressed than usual, it could be a contributing factor. Alternatively, although you say the sex between you and your husband is amazing, is it possible that maybe it's starting to feel a bit too predictable and samey? This is just a suggestion, but maybe it's a case of needing to spice up your sex life, to reignite the passion in you.

Apologies if any of what I have said has caused offence, but I'm clutching at straws and trying to think of possible explanations and solutions to your predicament.