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I used to be cuddly and want sex, now I don't like being touched at all.

Happier_in_pjs

I'm newly married (May 2023) . Before we got married we had regular sex, we were very affectionate. Now I can't stand it. I have asd and my partner hasn't. He's really understanding, but I hate rejecting him all the time. The sex is amazing when we do, but the kissing and cuddling makes me not want to.  

How can I change this ? 

Parents

  • Although I've never been married, I'm aware that it's not uncommon within a relationship to go through phases of not being quite as affectionate as one may previously have been.

    When I was younger, I considered myself to have a fairly high sex drive, as did the boyfriend I was with at the time. The sex was always amazing, but I remember there was a phase when I just wasn't interested, and this lasted for several months. I wasn't on medication, so it wasn't like my decreased libido was being caused by medication. 

    There were times when my boyfriend would lean in to kiss me or give me a cuddle, and I would literally push him away and recoil in horror. I have no idea why because I was deeply in love with him and found him incredibly attractive.

    I'm afraid I have no answers, but just to say that I feel I can relate to the situation you have found yourself in.

    Just a thought, but if there are things happening in your life that are causing you to feel more tired and/or stressed than usual, it could be a contributing factor. Alternatively, although you say the sex between you and your husband is amazing, is it possible that maybe it's starting to feel a bit too predictable and samey? This is just a suggestion, but maybe it's a case of needing to spice up your sex life, to reignite the passion in you.

    Apologies if any of what I have said has caused offence, but I'm clutching at straws and trying to think of possible explanations and solutions to your predicament.

Reply

  • Although I've never been married, I'm aware that it's not uncommon within a relationship to go through phases of not being quite as affectionate as one may previously have been.

    When I was younger, I considered myself to have a fairly high sex drive, as did the boyfriend I was with at the time. The sex was always amazing, but I remember there was a phase when I just wasn't interested, and this lasted for several months. I wasn't on medication, so it wasn't like my decreased libido was being caused by medication. 

    There were times when my boyfriend would lean in to kiss me or give me a cuddle, and I would literally push him away and recoil in horror. I have no idea why because I was deeply in love with him and found him incredibly attractive.

    I'm afraid I have no answers, but just to say that I feel I can relate to the situation you have found yourself in.

    Just a thought, but if there are things happening in your life that are causing you to feel more tired and/or stressed than usual, it could be a contributing factor. Alternatively, although you say the sex between you and your husband is amazing, is it possible that maybe it's starting to feel a bit too predictable and samey? This is just a suggestion, but maybe it's a case of needing to spice up your sex life, to reignite the passion in you.

    Apologies if any of what I have said has caused offence, but I'm clutching at straws and trying to think of possible explanations and solutions to your predicament.

Children
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