Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I am really burnt out and struggling at the moment and I have noticed that I have this constant need to 'be productive'. It is making it very hard for me to rest and even more so as I currently cannot engage with my special interests and don't have any activities which I enjoy- this makes resting even harder as I just feel like an utter failure and hate myself when I don't do anything or when I make myself do an activity I don't enjoy for the sake of relaxing.
It's become so bad that I have noticed that I am (subconciously?) self-sabotaging myself as I will only allow myself to rest/ do mindless/useless activities if I am feeling really unwell or ill- I have a lot of issues with digestion and food and I have the past days been so frustrated with myself that I made myself eat things that I knew would set off my IBS and make me nauseaus and unwell... which just makes me then feel more stupid and upset.
I've noticed that I just cannot let myself 'stop' or pause unless I have something to do which I find 'worth it' and very enjoyable or if I am very ill/unwell or if there is NO need/ pressure to do anything (possibly...) but I have all these things that I need to do (but am in part just not really up to doing yet.... like writing a research proposal and sorting out yet another international move)...
I have no idea how I can challenge this belief and stop the self-sabotage which is making me very unhappy. I wish I had a hobby I loved that I could do but sadly I don't.
Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas on how to challenge this?
A trick that I used to stop the Negative Automatic Thoughts, was to keep a diary of ‘vicious flowers’, in which you break down thoughts into there component parts. Then I find a place to discuss the completed entries with people; to discuss the emotions, the physical sensations, the triggers, and the attention focus’; that way I can make-a-crack in the negative thought by looking forward to discussing it.
Where writing is concerned, I speed-write about my automatic thoughts to get my dexterity-up, and I discuss the entries with others to improve and turn my thoughts towards writing for an audience. You’ll probably notice, that you are never as harsh with your audience, as you are with yourself. So write for an audience.
Where GI is concerned I stabilised my diet for reasons other that myself, because I lived in a shared homeless-shelter with youths, so I worked my digestion to avoid them. Consequently, I learned that fibre, dairy-free, gluten-free, pre/probiotics, and hydration are key to balancing my diet.
I’d like to try what you suggest. How can I get more info? Can you please explain what ‘vicious flowers’ means and if possible can you please explain what it means to break thoughts down into their component parts?
Thanks again for your helpful entry in this thread.
Vicious Flowers consist of the ‘trigger box’ (in which you write about the trigger as an automatic thought) and ‘a flower’ (consisting of a central circle:“key thoughts and meanings”; and four petals: “emotions”, “behaviours”, “physical sensation”, and “attention focus”).
-trigger: describe the trigger of anxiety or fear; I.e. standing on the train I start to feel dizzy.
-key thoughts and meanings: the effect of anxiety on your thinking; I.e. I’m going to collapse because I’m humiliated.
-attention focus: I.e. focusing on how dizzy I feel and whether my legs are wobbly.
-emotions: I.e. anxiety and panic.
- physical sensations: Dizziness, heart-racing, sweaty.
- behaviours: take a sip of water, sit down, hold pole.
When you understand the mechanisms of a problem you can target it more effectively; where negative automatic thoughts are concerned, it gives you the ability to think of negative-thoughts as a commodity.
If you can try to write out a post, breaking down a problem you have, and the community can help you develop each component further..)