Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I am really burnt out and struggling at the moment and I have noticed that I have this constant need to 'be productive'. It is making it very hard for me to rest and even more so as I currently cannot engage with my special interests and don't have any activities which I enjoy- this makes resting even harder as I just feel like an utter failure and hate myself when I don't do anything or when I make myself do an activity I don't enjoy for the sake of relaxing.
It's become so bad that I have noticed that I am (subconciously?) self-sabotaging myself as I will only allow myself to rest/ do mindless/useless activities if I am feeling really unwell or ill- I have a lot of issues with digestion and food and I have the past days been so frustrated with myself that I made myself eat things that I knew would set off my IBS and make me nauseaus and unwell... which just makes me then feel more stupid and upset.
I've noticed that I just cannot let myself 'stop' or pause unless I have something to do which I find 'worth it' and very enjoyable or if I am very ill/unwell or if there is NO need/ pressure to do anything (possibly...) but I have all these things that I need to do (but am in part just not really up to doing yet.... like writing a research proposal and sorting out yet another international move)...
I have no idea how I can challenge this belief and stop the self-sabotage which is making me very unhappy. I wish I had a hobby I loved that I could do but sadly I don't.
Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas on how to challenge this?
I don't think you fully appreciate the NEED to rest and do activities you enjoy.
Resting is not a luxury in the same sense as sleeping is optional and only if we have time.
I believe that you need to reassess your mindset. Resting needs to be included in your day plan as its own deliverable and achieving it should be rewarded not resented!
I find that allocating time for certain activities helps start them.. the most difficult part is the beginning, so just start simple, create a word document, name it appropriately, fix the format etc etc and once the prep is finished, you will naturally flow into doing the proposal.
As to a huge task like planning an international move, there could be an element of hesitation there, so try and remember why you are doing it and get excited about it.. to help motivate you to start the planning.
Hi, Thanks. Yes I know that I need to reframe my view of rest. It's just not so easy to undo as I have functioned in this way my whole life... it used to be better because I had hobbies I loved that I considered 'productive' so there was a balance. But sadly I haven't been able to do those hobbies for 3 years now (due to injuries etc- I used to love all outdoor exercise- hiking being my absolute favourite, but also loved running, cycling, riding etc). The concept of rest is just foreign to me and I haven't really found restful activities that I enjoy engaging with....
The situation is complicated by the fact that I am so burnt out and completely unsure if starting something new now is right for me. I am terrified of the international move and I feel forced into it- it will only be for 6 months but I don't feel able to cope. At this point I just can't see the reasons behind my choices anymore. I do not feel any desire to push myself to make things work. I don't know if it's the burnout or if it was never right for me... the whole situation is a mess. I am so tired of chasing one goal after another and just harming myself in the process... The PhD proposal would be a challenge in normal times but also fun- I used to love science- it was what kept my life together- but I don't feel it at the moment and it feels even sadder to have to force myself to do something that I would usually enjoy. I am too burnt out....
I will keep in mind what you said- I think scheduling in relaxation time is definitely something I will do and keep doing. If you don't mind sharing, what are your favourite ways to 'rest'?
The only success with relaxation I have had is that since I moved to a place with a bath a few weeks ago, I now take a daily bath in the evening to relax before bed, which I think is a good routine.
I love the fact that you have identified the beginning as the most difficult part. I love hearing solutions on how to begin. I do only ‘one second of work’ as a way of starting. In other words I allow for that as a perfectly acceptable amount of time. I can start if I know o only have to do one second of work. Once I have started I am often happy to continue. Taking pressure off is sometimes very welcome to me.