Trans rights and prejudice

I think that there are large parallels between the experiences of trans people and autistic people, so I thought it might be good to share some information on some of the problems trans people face and guidance on how to be a good ally.  

  1. The only person who can tell if a person is trans is the person themselves.  They may have spent years learning to mask to fit in, just like we do.  They have kept large parts of themselves hidden in order to get respect and acceptance and avoid discrimination, just like we do.  
  2. They have even longer waiting lists than we do for "diagnosis." This diagnosis, "gender dysphoria," has been developed by cis people without personal knowledge of what being trans feels like, and is based on very personal details and pathologies.  It's either this or go private/self-medicate, which can be both dangerous and expensive.
  3. Cis is not a derogatory term, it just means not trans in the same way we might refer to allistics or NTs.  Being cis is a position of privilege because it gives people benefits that they take for granted.  Sometimes trans people get frustrated with a lack of understanding from cis people, but it doesn't mean that they assume all cis people are bad.  It's just that when you've faced a lot of rejection and insults for who you are, you might become more sensitive and cautious.  Sound familiar?
  4. Trans people are much more likely to have mental health problems or commit suicide than the general because of the way that they are viewed and treated.
  5. Use the names and pronouns that people ask you to. Calling a trans person by their old name (often called a "deadname") or deliberately using terms linked to the gender that they were assigned at birth is a mean thing to do and will upset them.  If you make an honest mistake, just apologise and try again.
  6. Don't ask details about a person's medical progress. That's personal, and generally it's not polite to talk about what's in someone else's pants or what medication they're taking.
  7. Trans people, just like us, are struggling to move away from negative stereotypes and towards understanding and acceptance.  Often transphobia can be disguised as "genuine concern."  JKR even used the fact that there is a high proportion of autistic people seeking to transition as a "cause for concern," managing to be both ableist and transphobic at once.  Some current headlines are being used to promote doubt and fear which is damaging to the progress being made in trans people being able to get the help and support they need.  
  8. There are trans men and non-binary and gender fluid people as well as trans women, but a lot of the anti-trans propaganda at the moment is based on trying to associate trans women with predatory males.  Arguments about bathrooms etc completely ignore the fact that trans men also exist.  If you apply the "you must the bathroom of your birth sex rule" then you're going to get a lot of people with muscles and beards going into the ladies!  Also some cis women look rather butch.  You can't make assumptions based on appearance alone.
  9. If we treat people as people, and stop making judgements about others based on what we think their genitals might be, then society would be a better place for everyone.  Treat everyone with respect.  Allow people to express themselves however they want in their appearance, mannerisms and roles.  Trust people's judgement that they know who they are, even when it's something outside of your own personal experience. 

I know it looks like a lot, but I hope it helps to increase understanding and compassion. If any other trans people who want to add to this, please do.

  • I recommend "Life isn't Binary." It's not autistic specific, but it's a great analysis on some interdectional ideas including gender, sexuality and disability. Link below if it works.

    https://amzn.eu/d/3phxmeB

  • Thank you for sharing.  This is a useful analysis.  

    I much enjoyed Laura Kate Dale's book Uncomfortable Labels and the opportunity she offers to see her autism, gender and sexuality through her eyes.  Sadly, it's the only bio of its kind I've come across, I do hope more trans, non-binary and gender fluid people will in time educate us with their stories.

  • I always remember my mother telling me "why can't you be more like other little girls?" because I loved being outdoors, climbing trees, riding my bike and playing with bugs whereas my Dad just let me be "me" - it never made sense that my school friends liked hair and make up, boy bands and playing house whereas I wanted to just be outside picking apples from the park or messing around on bikes. Plus 'boys toys' were so much cooler than 'girls toys'. Luckily one of my other friends were a proper tomboy and I'd go over and we'd play video games and stuff :) 

  • I now identify as non binary for exactly the reasons you describe. I've been enjoying playing with gender expression.  There are so many things that girls are "supposed" to be that made me feel cross because I just didn't fit with them. 

  • I know what you mean regarding not liking typical 'girl stuff' and questioning gender around that. I consider myself a cis woman almost by default because I don't really have any issues with it and nothing else seems to fit. I did wonder whether I was agender but for me it feels more like I am a woman and I just don't know why other people care more about my own gender than I do. It's just sort of there in the background.

  • It blows my mind how awful the anti-trans movement is. My trans friends are some of the loveliest people I know. The media doesn't help not does social media with the spread of misinformation and fear mongering. 

    I've questioned my gender for years as although I don't identify as trans, I don't really fit into the typical female category that society tells me I should be - if that makes any sense. I always used to say "I'm not a girl, I'm a rock chick" because it was the only way I could really identify with the fact I don't like typically female things but I don't identify as male. I'm rambling I know so I hope this makes sense?

  • Thank you!  It's been a tough ride recently.  I wanted to share a bit of positive education.  

    Congratulations on your journey!  

  • I'll add one more point:

    Referring to people as "transgenders" is incorrect usage.  Transgender is an adjective, not a noun or a collective noun.  Instead, use "transgender people," just as we use "autistic people."

  • Only just seen this, absolutely SUPERB, thank you so much for this post. I identify as entirely female and lesbian but am technically trans having been through the M to F process in the early 90s. I am one of the tiny number of us (less than 5000 out of maybe 400,000) with a gender recognition certificate, the transition process then was much simpler and quicker, so only 2 ยฝ years start to finish as opposed to 3 years to even get a first consultation now and heck knows how long to completion (however the individual defines that) plus there was actually much less prejudice and hatred directed at us. It is very sad to say that things have gone backwards not forwards for the trans community in recent times. 

    Emma she/her

  • Thank you. I could not have said it better myself 

  • Transgenders is a sensitive topic for some. I donโ€™t see why we shouldnโ€™t discuss such things, weโ€™re all adults, weโ€™re all open to discussing how we feel about things like this. If you get angry or upset then take a break from the forum, no point in further enraging yourself and other people. I know how easy it is to get in conflict with other people online, but letโ€™s be honest, weโ€™re better than that. My opinions on transgenders are my own. I donโ€™t have a problem with it, I say live and let live, enjoy your life as long as you can. I donโ€™t like how some people shove it in your face, but that goes for everything as well. I donโ€™t have a problem with anyoneโ€™s life choices but I do when itโ€™s pushed in your face. I see a lot of posts on Twitter and FB, all good intended but losers who have nothing better to do with their time hone in on it and start trolling people.

    IMO you should worry about your own life rather than worrying about someone elseโ€™s. Everyone on this world deserves to be happy, to be loved, to be themselves. Peace to everyone x.

    Besides why wouldn't some males want to be female - we're the better and best gender. Wink

    I understand some females are transgender but that's what I said to my then brother now sister when she said she was trans. Slight smile

  • Thank you Glitter.

    "Treat people as people"

    "Treat everyone with respect."

    "Trust peoples judgement that they know who they are"

  • Long before my autism diagnosis, Iโ€™d come out as gay in my late teens during the 1980โ€™s when I lived in Ireland and because of my background, I was never accepted by other gay people in Dublin, other gay men in particular, not least because I was raised an only child and came from Rural Ireland, Catholic background, working class and not allowed to attend Uni - after I moved to Manchester 20 years ago, it was even worse, because at the time, I was homeless for 6 months - the (hypocritical) prejudice and discrimination that I had endured from (within) the gay community, especially in the โ€œnon-profitโ€ sector outside of the commercial gay scene, eventually caused me to cut all ties with the gay community 15 years ago and even led me to question if I was really gay at all - of course, Iโ€™d also had a severe backlash from family and others, some of whom were devout traditional Catholics, who came out with the usual stuff and crucially, that being gay was โ€œnot right for meโ€ etc

  • Thanks Glitter, this is a really informative and compassionate post.

  • Thank you for adding your voice. 

    It's tough for us right now, and so hard not to get drawn in to fruitless arguments.  Your encouragement means a lot.

  • As a non-binary (trans-neutral) person, I just wanted to say thank you. Transphobia, both overt and subtle, is so rife in this country right now, and very sadly some of that has made its way onto this forum. It's painful to see hate directed at a vulnerable, marginalised community in any context, of course, but when it comes from acommunity it's especially hurtful, because as you say we do have so much in common, so much to learn from each other, and so much scope for solidarity. So it's really a relief to see a post which thoughtfully, generously, and quite comprehensively unravels a lot of the underlying prejudice.  

  • I'm non-binary, my wife is trans.

    I'm glad your sister found it helpful.  There's a great YouTube channel channel called Philosophy Tube which is presented by a trans woman and gives a lot of fantastic information on various subjects.  I've done a fair amount of research over the years, but I found this channel to broaden my perspective in many ways.  I recommend it!

  • Thank you, this is what I was hoping to achieve.  There is so much negative press going on at the moment, but I think that we have so much in common with trans people that we could be very good advocates for one another if we could learn to be allies.

  • Thank you for doing this. My younger sister is trans and autistic, she found this helpful. 

1 2