Published on 12, July, 2020
I have had a bit of time away from the forum lately due to several reasons which I’ll detail below, but the point of this post is to try and get myself active here again. If I don’t, I’m worried I will lose the ability to post here when I need to. It took such a lot for me to join in the first place so I don’t want lose that confidence. Which if I’m honest, I think is already happening.
The saddening news we all received recently about Luna was a lot. It’s taken a bit of time to process really (as I’m sure it has for a lot of people, especially her close friends and family). On a personal level, my family and I have lost too many people in these past few years. Far too many in fact. Whilst I only spoke to Luna on here occasionally, I wanted to take a step back in respect of her and to allow time to consider the emotions surrounding this (which always takes time). Simply put, I think the negative feelings I’ve been experiencing are sadness, both for us all here and for her loved ones. I think because of my family’s recent losses, which I don’t really speak of often, this has hit pretty hard and so I’ve taken a step back for a little while.
I have been experiencing burn out. This is ongoing and I’m not really talking to the people I’d usually confide in about it because I don’t have the words at the moment. It has impacted senses in a way that I haven’t gone through before. What used to provide comfort now does the complete opposite. Food is a bit of a struggle. I’ve taken time away to try and navigate these new challenges. But in doing so, and not talking/writing, I’m worried that I’m putting distance between myself and my loved ones, as well as the community I’ve come to really appreciate here.
On the only occasion I took a risk and pushed through my current food difficulties, I developed quite a severe form of food poisoning. I’ve never had this before. It was a week of terrible symptoms and now I’m energyless and dizzy. The drs have told me that I could be like this for weeks. It’s pretty overwhelming. But I am moving forwards slowly.
Im certainly not looking for sympathy, but rather was aiming to explain my absence recently. I don’t know why, but perhaps it’s some misplaced guilt for disappearing. I have no idea really. Perhaps this entire post was unnecessary, perhaps not. Maybe it will help, but then again, maybe not. You don’t know if you don’t try and this is me trying to get back into this space again.
Anyway, to those that made it this far, hello again. Or maybe it’s hello for the first time if you’re new here. I hope to be around a bit more again.
Is strange how online communities affect us. I don't know you but at some point recently away from the forum found myself wondering where you'd got to. So I'm glad you are back. Be kind to yourself because engaging in online stuff can be just as exhausting as real life sometimes. We get it. Look after yourself.
I know what you mean. I think I’ve come to rely on this place a little (in a positive way), so I was keen not to just vanish all of a sudden. But you’re right, it can be just as tiring being here as it can be out there too. This is a good point. Slow and steady wins the race. Just as I wouldn’t put pressure on anyone here, there won’t be any on me coming from others. Thanks for your reassurance.