Funny moments of realisation

No apologies necessary. I can sometimes get a bit lost in the layout (if that’s what you call it) of the responses, I also sometimes take a step back for processing, or possibly something else takes up my focus. Both of which, the slow but steady nature of the forum allows for.

A delayed response, which really is in the eye of the beholder, is just as appreciated as any other response and certainly isn’t expected or taken for granted. 

My example really highlights how a lot of my interactions go, which it sounds like you can relate to. I’m trying to recognise that others don’t necessarily reflect on them as much as me, perhaps they don’t even spare a second thought on them. As a result, it’s worth leaving them in the past and chalking it up as just ‘another one that got slightly away from me’. I think if I can internalise this more casual approach, I might be a bit kinder to myself when they ‘pop’ back into my head unexpectedly (those embarrassing memories that keep you a ale at night).

Sorry for seeing and replying to this so late. Poor you, that was a horribly unfortunate twist in a situation you’d rehearsed for, and I know I’d have been thrown in exactly the same way. I feel like I’ve had so many of those too. An apparent non-sequitur that everyone else can see as an adjunct to, rather than departure from, the established context. Word choices are, like you say, a two way street so maybe taking all the embarrassment on ourselves is silly if somewhat inevitable 

I’m pleased that you have found something comforting in this post. It’s also nice to see that your first experience of a post here has helped in some way. In my experience, this place is full of helpful people, comments and insights. Welcome to the community.

Life, it turns out, is full of these moments. I’m sure when I’m laying in bed at some point in the future, I’ll remember another one that will keep me awake!

It can be a very uncomfortable feeling, in my opinion.

Apologies for seemingly missing your reply. Deflection is a good technique. I try and do the same for ‘small talk’. Non-commital or sarcastic remarks for me in these instances.

Unknown said:

I suppose masking is a bit like fake it till you make it but it's quite subconscious

I hadn’t really thought about this side of things. I do mask, quite subconsciously, a lot. It’s very noticeable to others when that starts to ‘slip’ when I’m spinning too many plates (to borrow a very unusual term). I think for me, the fake it till you make it side of things more applies to people not really caring enough (without meaning to be too harsh sounding) about something to actually be good at something. Loudest voice in the room and all of that. Where as masking, for me at least, is about trying to be relatable to those that actually can’t quite relate in the ways that I need them to. 

The question of ‘does it really matter?’ Is a good one. I might try and apply this idea a little in my own life. It’s good to advocate for yourself is what I’m learning. This is, of course, much easier some days vs. others. Today I would have been useless at it! Tomorrow, perhaps not.

Unknown said:

Rather than just saying for example that we can struggle with XYZ, I need to understand the why's! 

Why was always my favourite question growing up. I’m pleased to say, it still is! Why is very important to me. It goes back to the understanding and certainty side of things. I think more people should ask why to things. 

More questions = more opportunity to learn and understand. This is probably an oversimplification, but a nice idea to start a series of thoughts from!

I developed a whole stock of deflections when I first got arthritis at about age 20. I hated being asked how I was because even if they genuinely wanted to know all the carpy details I did not want to discuss it. So if I was asked how I was I would usually respond with still alive! Stating the obvious in self defence.

I don't mind at all, I probably didn't invent them anyway!

Hi, can I just say as a newbie here and this being the first post I read, especially after having a very difficult few weeks.... This post really made me smile.

I think it's amazing that you can understand how the way you see things and think and answer things might be different from what most people might, but that's all it is is different, and having a different answer than other people is how we get new things in life. And I totally think your different way of thinking is probably the more logical way to think.

Haha your variety is much wider. I only have ''or left?'' in response to ''Are you all right?''

I was inspired by a joke I overheard on a bus from teenagers sitting in front of me:

''Have you seen that lumberjack who cut of his left limbs recently? No, what about him? He is all right now.''

I will try to incorporate yours if you don't mind.

Very funny. Why ask questions which can be interpreted so literally?

AuTriker said:

And if they say "What's up?" I say "the sky" or "the ceiling" if indoors

Great response, I love that! Humour is a great way of deflecting awkwardness. Your response seems like a reply I would give.

I am glad you found the video entertaining, Joe Wells is quite funny.

Comedy is usually much funnier if it is relatable. Yes definitely all of these things should be embraced because they make YOU autistic.

I know this is a common experience for many of us but we should never be embarrassed about being autistic and the humour that stems from our different way of being. In time we can become proud of who we are as autistic people. Our differences can be quite funny at times for example literalism and bluntness and hopefully make people question the way they think.

Oakling said:

. It has been very interesting to read accounts from other forum members. All very relatable stuff as far as I’m concerned.

Yes definitely, particularly the examples given by other autistics about literalism. like  what you contributed below.

Oakling said:

As a child, I was once given some slices of cucumber because I had sore eyes. I immediately ate them and noted that it didn’t make a difference.

Funny, cucumber for sore eyes makes no sense whatsoever.

Oakling said:

You have recommended several videos and books to me so far, each of them being a valuable addition to some growing understanding and insight. Thanks for another.

You are very welcome. We can learn so much from our own autistic community. Knowledge is power. I am glad you understand your own autistic profile in more depth, that must feel great. 

Oakling said:

This can definitely feel overwhelming at times. Especially if there is a lot going on in the peripheries.

Yes I concur, too much information to filter.

Oakling said:

This whole ‘fake it until you make it’ approach that so many are happy to apply really doesn’t work for me.

For me theres a strong need for things to be authentic (ie right!) and so if I see through people who are faking it till they make it, I have some sort of difficulty with them in my head. They might have much less anxiety though.... (Also I suppose masking is a bit like fake it till you make it but it's quite subconscious). I feel as ive developed I'm taking people more as they are, maybe cos I'm trying to do it a bit more with myself. 

I feel, for some people, they don't need certainty too much and they are able to accept a general sense of something and be ok with that. I'm trying a bit more now to ask "does it really matter". For instance today I collected a parcel off my neighbour. In the past she wouldve wanted lots of chat and I wouldve masked but today I didn't and it was a purposeful transaction. When I came in I wondered if I should've had a bit of chat....but I didn't want to. I didn't want to and that's ok! So I've listened to my own needs and been assertive with myself which is a small chipping away.

I do feel better in understanding a bit more in depth about autism such as monotropism, inertia, and sensory things (I think a lot of it is ideas...it seems nobody really "knows" fully what autism is) but knowing a bit more from a different angle helps. Rather than just saying for example that we can struggle with XYZ, I need to understand the why's! 

It's nice to hear from someone who "gets" some of the same experience. Everyone is different and there are so many different experiences of being autistic. A lot of the time I can't relate to others on the spectrum. 

I have to point out that it takes time and work to get there!  I've had to explain a lot of things and we've had our share of disagreements as well, but after 15 years we seem to have developed a way of communicating and a routine where I know when I can share my feelings.

It’s fascinating to see a take on things from a perspective that I entirely agree with, due to seeing it that way myself. I apologise if I’m overstating it, but it really doesn’t happen that often. It’s actually kind of refreshing.

Unknown said:

knot of frustration when it comes down to matter of principle.

A great description of the internal battles I face when something is ‘wrong’. E.g. someone parks in another spot, when they usually park elsewhere, even though that original spot is still free (this really sets me off, due to the lack of logic and not understanding the sudden and temporary change, when a change like that for me would be huge and take prep time).

I too see detail first. The importance of selecting the right word and a lack of vagueness, in my opinion, are the cornerstones of understanding and communication. This whole ‘fake it until you make it’ approach that so many are happy to apply really doesn’t work for me. Why not put time and effort, especially if you’re there anyway, into becoming genuinely good/efficient at what you do?

Unknown said:

Autistics need certainty but because of the difference in communication we will mostly never get this.

I fear that you could be correct in this. And yet, certainty could surely benefit everyone. But perhaps, people who are not autistic, will not really ever be able to see what certainty looks like for an autistic person (perhaps too much of a generalisation here on my part, but just thinking ‘out loud’ at this point).

Unknown said:

Sorry it's a tangent to your original post but I don't need asking twice to talk about autism.

No need to apologise as far as I’m concerned. Tangents are sort of my thing too, increasingly autism is becoming a real interest for me as well. It’s been interesting listening (or rather, reading) to what you have to say.

I'm unable to think of any examples off the top of my head, but I've experienced my fair share of some truly hilarious moments of realisation. 

That made me chuckle. They're brilliant answers to give. 

Oakling said:

Some things just don’t bother other people and genuinely aren’t on their radars. Perhaps this is one just to let go. 

I agree with this altho my experience at work is that it does bother others but I sense that they don't get that knot of frustration when it comes down to matter of principle. I do think we have to choose our battles for our own sanity and sometimes there's a difference between doing your job right and getting the job done. Others seem to be able to do this second nature. It's good you have your wife to discuss with and help navigate and get different perspectives from.

I wonder if my strong sense of right or wrong pervades absolutely everything. And bottom up processing of detail first. It is important that I am understood by others. That an interaction goes correctly. I often take time to choose the word I see fits correctly. I think a lot of my overthinking of interactions comes from needing to understand everything that happened and there be no uncertainty, rather than social anxiety. Whereas other people seem to get by with vagueness and interactions being transient in nature. To me it's a double edged sword.  Autistics need certainty but because of the difference in communication we will mostly never get this.

I've found while integrating the diagnosis I can stop holding myself to "neurotypical" standards because I now know i am not "neurotypical". It gives us permission to be ourselves.

Sorry it's a tangent to your original post but I don't need asking twice to talk about autism.