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Funny moments of realisation

Oakling

After a few positive changes, and a bit of time to begin processing those changes, I’m feeling in a much brighter place than I have for a little while.

I’ve even started to laugh again.

I’m autistic. Always have been, always will be. Increasingly I am beginning to feel proud of this fact. But there are moments, where, when relaxing or with friends, I sort of forget this. Well, it’s probably not so much about forgetting, but more to do with the thought not being at the forefront of my mind. But then something happens and that realisation zooms back into reality. I’m referring to lighter, more comical moments in this instance, rather than areas of difficulty (which certainly exist too).

Recent examples include playing a party game where our answers had to match the rest of the group. In this moment we had to say the first thing someone would notice when looking at someone’s face for the first time. Everyone, of course, said eyes. I on the other hand was the only person to have a different answer, which was nose. Why on earth would you look at someone’s eyes? That got a laugh.

More recently, when my wife and I were watching tv she asked “Shall we watch this?” She didn’t elaborate on what, so try as I might I could not answer. There were no clues as to what ‘this’ was. This went on for a few minutes, both of us getting more frustrated with one another’s inability to communicate with each other. In the end, she got up and pointed at the screen. Where I’d been looking for some sort of box around the title of the selected show to answer the question with, she’d assumed the giant picture of David Mitchell’s face that took over the entire screen would be enough of a clue. I didn’t even see it! We laughed after, because it was another example of me avoiding looking at someone’s face. 

Does anyone else experience funny moments like these? I quite like to laugh about this stuff, as it’s who I am. Why not enjoy it when in the right frame of mind. These moments don’t happen all that often but it’s quite nice to reflect on something, that I probably would have felt embarrassed about pre-diagnosis, in a positive way.

Parents

  • I think this one sort of fits. I called I with my parents for dinner yesterday. While I'm doing the dishes, my mum walks in and says 'how's it going with your bed?' I said 'The new electric blanket's working out pretty well thanks'. She looked at me in an 'are you taking the piss?' way, and I stood for a few seconds trying to work out why. Then I realised she meant the back room bunkbeds (the previous houseowner left them and they were useful for occasional nephew stay-overs for a time) that I'd spent a not inconsiderable amount of time the day before partially dismantling with an allen key and screwdriver. And hammer! 

    I don't know whether it was that the singular 'bed' vs plural 'bunkbeds' just automatically deleted the way more relevant thing from my mind, but a touch of over-literality does seem to leave me prone to missing the obvious sometimes. The flipside is that I sometimes get to see round corners on other things in ways most people don't. Though that can hurt as much as it helps, there is less blissful ignorance to be had in life. 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I did find reading this message to be another one of those instances where you reflect on what you read and see yourself in it. I too can take things quite literally, or if I miss the prompts, assume I’m having a different conversation to the one the other party is having.

    I was involved in an online meeting with a few other people in a similar job role to myself. The person leading the meeting asked us to come up with an idea in response to a certain question. We all did so. After, they turned to the first person and directly asked what their response was, we all listened, they turned to the next person and directly asked what their response was. I was rehearsing my response, as I do in these moments. They then turned to me and asked “So how are you doing?” This, not only was different wording to what I’d prepared myself for, but in my eyes was a totally different question. I didn’t know how to reply at that point and everything went out of my head as I battled the urge to explain how I was, emotionally, in response to the wording of their question, rather than what I anticipated the question to be. Rather than asking how I was doing, they were asking, how are you doing in response to the question. I had to ask for confirmation of what I was actually being asked in the end. I get the impression that they thought I was either unprepared or that I wasn’t listening properly. All resolved in the end, but for me, wording is quite helpful, so the more specific you can be, the better.

    Although, the burden of understanding, considering communication is a two way thing, doesn’t lie solely with me in this instance. As is quite possibly the case with the example you mentioned. Very interesting to read though, so thanks for your reply.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Sorry for seeing and replying to this so late. Poor you, that was a horribly unfortunate twist in a situation you’d rehearsed for, and I know I’d have been thrown in exactly the same way. I feel like I’ve had so many of those too. An apparent non-sequitur that everyone else can see as an adjunct to, rather than departure from, the established context. Word choices are, like you say, a two way street so maybe taking all the embarrassment on ourselves is silly if somewhat inevitable 

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  • in reply to Oakling

    Sorry for seeing and replying to this so late. Poor you, that was a horribly unfortunate twist in a situation you’d rehearsed for, and I know I’d have been thrown in exactly the same way. I feel like I’ve had so many of those too. An apparent non-sequitur that everyone else can see as an adjunct to, rather than departure from, the established context. Word choices are, like you say, a two way street so maybe taking all the embarrassment on ourselves is silly if somewhat inevitable 

Children
  • in reply to Shardovan

    No apologies necessary. I can sometimes get a bit lost in the layout (if that’s what you call it) of the responses, I also sometimes take a step back for processing, or possibly something else takes up my focus. Both of which, the slow but steady nature of the forum allows for.

    A delayed response, which really is in the eye of the beholder, is just as appreciated as any other response and certainly isn’t expected or taken for granted. 

    My example really highlights how a lot of my interactions go, which it sounds like you can relate to. I’m trying to recognise that others don’t necessarily reflect on them as much as me, perhaps they don’t even spare a second thought on them. As a result, it’s worth leaving them in the past and chalking it up as just ‘another one that got slightly away from me’. I think if I can internalise this more casual approach, I might be a bit kinder to myself when they ‘pop’ back into my head unexpectedly (those embarrassing memories that keep you a ale at night).