As and having children

was joking - you bunch are just naughty

Scorpion - I love your little responses, they make me chuckle! :)

Jon said:

[quote][/quote]

Will  you lot stop falling out?! Agree to disagree? Posted with respect to you all 

Have I 'fallen out'? 

Put it away if you have...

:P

susie163 said:

Will  you lot stop falling out?! Agree to disagree? Posted with respect to you all 

Have I 'fallen out'? 

susie163 said:

Will  you lot stop falling out?! Agree to disagree? Posted with respect to you all 

No!

:P

susie163 said:

Will  you lot stop falling out?! Agree to disagree? Posted with respect to you all 

Sorry, who is falling out?

Will  you lot stop falling out?! Agree to disagree? Posted with respect to you all 

Jon said:

[quote][/quote]

and I do sometimes get sad seeing other people in "normal" relationships somehow juggling life, social life, their household, work, money and children like it's easy or comes naturally to them. 

I am not sure i am sad but I certainly see a difference in the ease that some people seem to juggle lives that would totally faze me.

I guess sad is the wrong word. Envy is probably more appropriate. I envy people who can juggle these things effortlessly (seemingly so anyway) and can just have a life, social life, kids etc and not be constantlly overwhelmed.

Noetic said:

and I do sometimes get sad seeing other people in "normal" relationships somehow juggling life, social life, their household, work, money and children like it's easy or comes naturally to them. 

I am not sure i am sad but I certainly see a difference in the ease that some people seem to juggle lives that would totally faze me. 

It makes me a bit sad when people bring babies into work and I think "Gosh, what I need is a wife, maybe then I'd be able to have this, too" (I am female myself, but wives seem to be how many AS men manage to have a family and a bit of a social life)

Certainly having the support of a wife (husband, friend or partner) is to be valued. Hopefully it is a reciprocal relatoinship where strenghts and weaknesses of each person are combined.  

I am however also aware that children are an unpredictable thing, noisy and demanding of attention, which upsets my routine and means you lose out on time to organise yourself and enjoy your interests. 

I agree and really think it is responsible to be realistic about what having a child would entail. I know I would struggle and also I am not prepared to invest the time that would be needed to bring up a child. for me it is the responsible thing not to have a child.

It's taken me into my mid thirties to develop executive function skills sufficient to organise myself and my living environment enough to satisfy my high need for order and predictability. I'm not sure I could cope with a dependent person upsetting that balance now. 

I don't dislike most children, used to be a decent babysitter in my teens (handy if you can give them back afterwards...) and I do sometimes get sad seeing other people in "normal" relationships somehow juggling life, social life, their household, work, money and children like it's easy or comes naturally to them. 

It makes me a bit sad when people bring babies into work and I think "Gosh, what I need is a wife, maybe then I'd be able to have this, too" (I am female myself, but wives seem to be how many AS men manage to have a family and a bit of a social life)

I am however also aware that children are an unpredictable thing, noisy and demanding of attention, which upsets my routine and means you lose out on time to organise yourself and enjoy your interests. 

I can cope with a child quite well on a one on one basis, but I don't think I could sustain that attention on a permanent basis without myself, my partner, my work, my household etc suffering in the long run. Or worse, the child. 

TC, I agree. It would be interesting to look at the relative percentages between NT and AS. It would be even more interesting to know why poelple do not want children and if their decision might change with circumstance.

I can't 100% fully fathom why I don't want children but I feel it is as valid as wanting children.

I guess that primal feelings create a strong paternal feeling but I don't seem to have this. Birth control can succesfully seperate sex from procreation so that is not an issue. I can rationalise the fundamental importance of children for the continuation of the human race but it isn't essential that we all procreate. In fact the world seems to have quite a huge poulation already - and I am not sure how good humans are for the planet anyhow.

Hi truecolurs, it would be interesting to see any statistics.

I guess that problems with  social interaction in itself would mean people that people on the Spectrum may be in less of a position to have children. There may be statistics to show how many people with diagnosed AS have children but not how many want children.

Thanks for your reply autism2.  I will attempt to explain my post more clearly:

'I know that I don't want children. I am in a relationship and my partner is now OK with this.'

.....stating my own thought and situation....

'I wondered what other people on the spectrum thought about having children. Would they like to have them?'

......my interest in other peoples thoughts and experiences having childeren themselves........

'For myself I find the whole idea totally crazy - I just don't have that feeling to want them. I can only see negatives'.

.....my own feelings again....offering information about myself in the hope that people will tell me a little about themselves....

'Thoughts?'

....Asking people to tell me their own thoughts about themselves and having children.

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Here are the points you made that I should seek and also offer clarification on:

'Jon you will make a good parent'

I am unsure what that is based on? I wouldn't assume that someone would make a good or bad parent without first knowing more information.

'Aspergers may be a factor in the decision but please do not base any decision fully on your aspergers'

I agree, but from this I assumed you thought I had made some sort of decision regarding parenting based on Aspergers. I never stated this. To elaborate - I make decisions based on me and how I feel. There is of course an overlap with feartures of aspergers eg I don't like certain noise but also a feature of my AS is that I am hypersensitive to noise.

'if you love your partner have a family'

I am unsure why you would say this. Does that mean I do not love my partner if I do  not have children? It seems to assume that 'love' is very much linked to having a family. Plenty of people choose not to have children. I would  not ever tell someone to have children or not.

'.....at your age, you may too be too old and set in your own ways'.

I have not wanted children less or more with age.

'Maybe your partner should seek another mate'.

An assumption that my partner wants children? Or that my partner having childern is more imoiortant than the relatuioonship we have together?

'So your comments were just more for declaration but without correlation too AS ?'

They were intended to begin a discussion about peoples feelings towards having children. Not whether I should have children or not.

'Well good for you, you have made your decision and world knows it now and it is nothing to do with AS. As for AS and having children, it is a personal choice, for me not based on AS. AS well, so why ask people ?'

Yes this did upset me. I am trying to cummunicate with people on this forum because I find it so difficult face to face. I appreciate you opinions but find your criticism of me difficult. 

'I just feel you are talking in two different contexts, talking about Aspergers and having children, but retracting that AS has an implication in your own decision, but seeking about information from us relating to AS and having children, I just don't get it ?'

I have not retracted 'that AS has an implication' as I never stated it.

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gosh, that was a bit long winded but I felt I owe it to you to explain as best I can...

Scorpion0x17 said:

I mean that I think autismtwo is reading more into your mentioning having children and AS in the same question than there is, and you're reading more into his questioning of that than there is.

I get that. I was wondering what sentences exactly were leading to the misunderstandings and how they were misinterpreted.

Jon said:

[quote][/quote]

I suspect you're both reading more than there is into each other's posts.

Hi Scorpion, in what way?

I mean that I think autismtwo is reading more into your mentioning having children and AS in the same question than there is, and you're reading more into his questioning of that than there is.

Forget it Jon, it is me, not you. I apologise. I just feel you are talking in two different contexts, talking about Aspergers and having children, but retracting that AS has an implication in your own decision, but seeking about information from us relating to AS and having children, I just don't get it ? Why would you ask in the first place then ?

Scorpion0x17 said:

I suspect you're both reading more than there is into each other's posts.

Hi Scorpion, in what way?

Scorpion, I think you are right  thanks

I suspect you're both reading more than there is into each other's posts.

I know I can be oversensitive Autism2 but I do feel you are giving me a hard time. I don't really need that. i come on this forum to try and communicate with people in a way that is positive. This is making me feel quite the opposite.

Jon, you are right.., I am confused, I thought because you were adding information about your decision as your post was headed  As and having children, i thought you were deliberating having a family or not based on your aspergers condition. So your comments were just more for declaration but without correlation too AS ?

Well good for you, you have made your decision and world knows it now and it is nothing to do with AS. As for AS and having children, it is a personal choice, for me not based on AS. AS well, so why ask people ?

Maybe it is just me, anyway thank for sharing your personal relationship information with strangers about your unborn. Go on be an Aspie salmon, swim up the river, before it is too late  !

I know