Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else have difficulty with knowing what they look like, or how they feel? It sounds weird, but I noticed that I rely on other peoples views on what I look like a lot. I was trying to buy a foundation and an assistant helped me. In the shop I was convinced it matched like she said. I tried it on at home and it looks too dark now, but I'm not sure. I was looking at my face and I just can't tell. Without peoples opinions on things I feel like there isn't much there. I know some people use that against me to manipulate me sometimes, but it takes a while for me to realise that. When I was younger I had a different hairstyle every months as people would tell me what would look good. It took me a while, but then I realised I didn't like being treated like a doll. This is a confused ramble, but does anyone know what I mean? My sense of self is so weak, I feel like I can be convinced of anything by anyone to the point of needing their direction. \part of me knows it shouldn't be like that.
I can kind of relate not in make up stuff but not having a strong sense of self. I think I’ve started to understand that I need to understand the parameter and limits (rules I guess) of a situation before I can proceed comfortably. So even if someone tells me ‘this is the way’ if I don’t get it or understand why then It sill bug me and I find myself disagreeing or simply not able to see it. Maybe this is the same type of thing for you