Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been in a relationship with my 39 year old partner for just over a year though we have been friends for around 3 years. We have fallen out over silly things in the past and he has said some things that have hurt and upset me as he has no empathy. Also, I am his first girlfriend, he has never been in a relationship before. I am very patient with him and he has shown how caring and affectionate he can be but recently we ended up having a disagreement after he had said something upsetting in a message, then the next day he said he shouldn't have said that but thought I deserved it for things I had said in the past. It escalated from there, he said he only apologised to stop me from crying, now hes not talking to me and said some nasty things to me a few nights ago over messenger. I have only ever helped him and been kind, why does he do this? My nerves are frayed and I hate the silence.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience with your boyfriend.
You have the right to be treated kindly and respectfully by your boyfriend - him being autistic in no way changes that important principle.
If you still want to save your relationship I would write to him and explain to him - in a very calm way - how you feel and why. Tell him that you would like to keep seeing him but that you have some needs and boundaries that are really important to him - and explain to him what they are. It’s important to have firm boundaries in relationships - most times it’s not necessary to actually explain them because it’s often quite instinctual - but your partner made need this being made clear to him by you if he doesn’t pick up on the subtle signs and signals you have most likely been giving him. Make it clear to him that you care for him and respect him - and that is why you want to improve your relationship so that you can BOTH be happier in it.
if he doesn’t respond to this in a respectful and caring way that you are happy with then it might be that this relationship is maybe not going to work.
good luck!