Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I wonder if I could have some advice please. My husband has autism and really struggles with relationships. He is either very intense or very aloof. He has recently lost some friends because of the intensity and has frequently gone on social media discussing how he struggles with mental health.
We have had lots of discussions around boundaries in friendships! I’ve just had a message of his friend asking if he is ok? He has messaged her to say goodbye and the tone of the message implied he was going to hurt himself! I am truly at my wits end and don’t know what else to do!
Can anyone give me some advice please.
Many thanks
Leona
Hi. It is common for autistic people to have difficulties in that way, and it can be painful to keep trying and getting it wrong, upsetting people and losing friends. Autistic people can't just change because of advice or criticism, much of it is automatic and will need a lot of work on his thoughts and beliefs to develop better ways of interacting with people. All you can do is guide him, without punishment though as that will add to his stress.
Hard to know if his message is a real threat or just catastrophising, he needs to talk to someone, he could do with coming here and talking. Where is he? If things get worse or he has disappeared then best to call police.
He might just need medication to calm his thoughts/feelings, anxiety can really affect and distress you and lead to stress and depression, and learning to manage these things isn't easy and so medication makes sense. I've had to take medication for similar difficulties.