Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I wonder if I could have some advice please. My husband has autism and really struggles with relationships. He is either very intense or very aloof. He has recently lost some friends because of the intensity and has frequently gone on social media discussing how he struggles with mental health.
We have had lots of discussions around boundaries in friendships! I’ve just had a message of his friend asking if he is ok? He has messaged her to say goodbye and the tone of the message implied he was going to hurt himself! I am truly at my wits end and don’t know what else to do!
Can anyone give me some advice please.
Many thanks
Leona
OK I might not be right here but you said he messaged her...so to me it says he used technology to say that.....we really are different in person and that goes for everyone of us. Even me typing this now isn't the real me....burning bridges is harder in person because we aren't hiding behind a screen. I honestly think typing hurtful words is easier than saying them face to face. Lashing out isn't easy face to face. Social media really isn't good to actually face troubles.
Basically I am saying that he you and everyone needs to go face to face and leave social media aside. Problems on here seem awful but in the real world they can be sorted properly with empathy and compassion. Online we harbour grudges, back stab and play the victim. It's time to be grown up and deal with things in that real world out there!
You haven't even come back on here to explain more....that's because you and the rest of us use this platform to vent to which we get the attention from others which to the others (us) are taking time out away from the real world to respond. It actually is pointless . It's like writing into a diary only when things go bad. We can't help you because you don't want help, you want to vent like in an argument. If you read something you don't like then you will go mad and type to fall out...then you will put your phone down and sort what matters by yourselves. Good luck ....
Hi. It is common for autistic people to have difficulties in that way, and it can be painful to keep trying and getting it wrong, upsetting people and losing friends. Autistic people can't just change because of advice or criticism, much of it is automatic and will need a lot of work on his thoughts and beliefs to develop better ways of interacting with people. All you can do is guide him, without punishment though as that will add to his stress.
Hard to know if his message is a real threat or just catastrophising, he needs to talk to someone, he could do with coming here and talking. Where is he? If things get worse or he has disappeared then best to call police.
He might just need medication to calm his thoughts/feelings, anxiety can really affect and distress you and lead to stress and depression, and learning to manage these things isn't easy and so medication makes sense. I've had to take medication for similar difficulties.