Should people with Aspergers or others on the autistic spectrum have children?

Couldn't have put it better myself Martin. 

I mean, whichever way you argue it, having children is an inherently selfish choice that cannot be morally justified. 

(As in, none of us asked to be born. There is no reason to have a child that doesn't involve I want. You can choose to have a child, but not who that child will be. The child cannot choose to be born, or when, or where, or to whom, or the people who will raise it. Etc.)

Bearing that in mind, autistic people aren't born into suffering. We don't suffer from a disability (medical model); we suffer in situations that dis-able us (social model).

The question for any prospective parent is whether or not you'll have the fortitude and the resources to create a suitable environment for your child, in defiance of a world that may choose not to make a space for them. 

Anyone that chooses to create a life is, in a way, playing G-d. You have to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will be able to take care of your creation. Even if they're autistic. Even if they're disabled in ways you weren't expecting. Even if they are nothing like the person you expected them to be. 

In short, having kids is not the default. Don't do it if it's not your personal dream to be a full-time carer for 20-odd years, regardless of whether the person you make has an officially recognised disability. 

That’s so nice to know  I love what Dawn wrote above too. I feel the same, 

It filled me with happiness to read yours and Kate Kestrel 's stories. 

I’m autistic, my husband also has many autistic traits. We have two children and they are both autistic. All I can say is that having children has been wonderful and despite their many challenges myhildren both say they had happy childhoods. As we are all autistic we really ‘gel’ together and share a lot of interests, We can really relate to each other and support each other as we are so simil. Obviously lots of aspects of being autistic make like difficult for us - both me and my children struggle with anxiety. My brother has a child with Down syndrome and 2 children with no ‘issues’ anhe says that his 2 other children cause him much more stress and worry and I can believe that! All children will have challenges - just in different ways, I have a relative with 2 very neurotypical ughters who did great at school and had lots of friends etc - but one of them was ‘dumped’ by her boyfriend and is now self harming. No child that you have is guaranteed to have a straightforward anpain free life - autistic or not. One of my children (who is non-binary) did brilliantly at school and went to Oxford. My other son has really struggled at school and has had periods of school refus. However both of them are wonderful people and I am so blessed to have them in my life. Having children is the best thing we ever did

Goodness, you do sound a little confused about your own ASD status...you aren't sure you are autistic, but it caused problem. It sounds like either you have a problem other than autism or you are autistic but have learned a good many coping strategies to get by. In your shoes I'd want a full, honest re-assessment so I could accept and relax with whatever the truth is. None of us should live life in a box we don't belong in, but none of us can live life in denial of who we are.

As for having children, if you really want to be a parent, have the love to give and are prepared for the sacrifices, have them. If you are half-hearted about it, don't. Autism is just a different wiring and autistic people can contribute a lot BECAUSE of their autism often, rather than inspite of it. Yes, you could pass it on, but you might also be gifting the world another Greta Thunberg. No child comes with guarantees. Every child has their gifts and challenges. You get what you are given and love them as they are with all your heart. 

At the end of the day, autism persists in the human genome because it has advantages and we shouldn't breed that out. I'll never regret having my son for sure. He's the light of my life.

And the day I got my diagnosis, I danced around my living room thanking God for creating me exactly as I am. For every problem my autism brought me, I also have a gift. Both the best of me and my shortcomings are autistic ones and I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope any autistic children you have feel the same way. With the love of supportive parents they'd have every chance of growing up happy little auties.

I can't remember where I heard it, but I definitely heard it somewhere.

There is no safe way to control human reproduction, as any intervention leads down a slippery slope. If you actively discourage autistics from having children, then who else? People prone to any number of debilitating conditions, criminals, people with low IQ, sociopaths etc., the list is potentially very long.

I have 5 Children, oldest being 9 and youngest being 3.

if you have any pacific questions, feel free to message me.

but please don’t let the internet decide your future

I absolutely agree with Martin here.

Fundamentally, I think it's the same decision that non-autistic prospective parents have to answer - in short, can you give a child love and warmth, food and shelter and so forth. If you can't do this then I would seriously think about whether it would be a morally justifiable act to have a child.

Suffering is a part of human life whether we accept it or not and when we start to think about reducing potential suffering then we start to think about this in terms of utilitarianism which has its own problems. Even then, this suffering has to be counterposed with the happiness that could exist in that child's life.

Whenever I encounter the argument that autistic people shouldn't have children, there is the tacit assumption that autistic people can't have valuable and happy lives even though we are more likely to experience suffering in the forms of mental health problems for instance.

NAS78513 said:

some experts do think that it can actually go away as you get older, but again, another story

I'd like to know who these experts are.

NAS78513 said:

Anyway, I sort of want children but sort of don't, for a few reasons, one of which would be giving it to them (if I've got it, perhaps I'm just a little odd lol). What are the chances that they'd get it, and (this is a bit controversial I know) do you think people with it who have children are selfish? It can and does cause an awful lot of misery.

If they get autism it may be a vert different experience of autism from you. Their experience of growing up autistic would be different from yours. Particularly since you'll be able to offer them a different kind of parenting from your parents. I think people who have children for selfish reasons can be awful. Who have children because they think a child will be a guaranteed of judgment free unconditional love. (believe me few will ever judge you as much as your own children) People who have children to be extensions of their aspirations. To carry on the family business or succeed in the projects they once failed in.

Having children for the joy of giving new life and allowing it to find its own happiness is lord-able. Because you think you've something good to pass on.

Hi! Me and my mom are both diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Unfortunately, we were diagnosed as adults, I was 18 and she was in her forties. As a result, we both unknowingly struggled with autism-related issues growing up.

Even in adulthood, my mom and I still struggle with executive functioning. Basic repetitive tasks, like doing the dishes or cleaning my room, are a nightmare. My mom is convinced that many fights and discussions could have been avoided if we had a basic understanding of our executive functioning disorder. She wishes we would have learned adaptive strategies in our childhood, to limit our struggle.

Since you are consciously debating having children, I assume you will be able to notice the signs of autism at an early stage. Aid can be sought early on and professionals can provide coping mechanisms and other tools that can help your child for the rest of their life.

Know that you don't have to be alone in the process and that it is okey to find help. There is no shame in looking for a therapist or asking your child's future school for additional measures. In my case, this was the most helpful. I see a psychologist regularly and my university is flexible in terms of exam location and duration or wearing soundproofing headphones.

It is certainly not selfish to have a desire to have children whilst being on the spectrum. This is human nature. Nonetheless, it is important to be aware of the consequences a life with ASS can have. It seems like you are. And remember that there are many professionals, but also support groups and forums like this one, that are willing to help you along the way.

While I would like not to be burdened by anxiety, social difficulties and odd sensory problems, if a 'cure' also took away my ability to hyper focus, my joy in my obscure interests and my abilities in problem solving and lateral thinking, I would not take it.

But what variables are unknown? If the condition only arises from a lifestyle. If a condition can be overwritten with a partners DNA. 

What I should have lead with is this: I live next door to a Geneticist. He has said we all have the same genetics potential and everyone has the (he adds massive quotes because it's becoming silly now) "Autistic Gene". It's a different way of using the brain. In fact, another chap I know has been micro-dosing on mushrooms to experience and perceive life the way I do. He hadn't realised even his thoughts, created by language in Neurotypical fashion, were created for him by society. Mine haven't been.  

I'm not suggesting that we be banned from having children, but perhaps we should think twice? I do think that yes, perhaps if people are too poor to have children, that they should refrain from doing so. And I certainly think that it is cruel to knowingly have children if you have a fatal hereditary condition.

I'm not sure if you realise when you say this, but potentially you might be suggesting eugenics is OK? The problem is this. A whole world of humans exist. Should someone in an economically difficult situation not have children because they're not contributing to society and if they're malfunctioning in some way one person sees as poor or pointless, then whatever is happening there genetically they'll pass on to their kids. 

What about the Duke of Edinburgh? His mother was autistic, he had very clear autistic traits. Should he have had children?

How about individuals with diseases that kill around 45. Or 60. Whats the cut-off point. The problem is with this manner of thinking, is there's a value attributed to human Worth - a "playing G-d". I'm autistic. Should I not have had my son? He's dyslexic, is a classically trained musician and is quite keen on the nuances between ND and NT. He's 25 and thinks my 'autistic' traits are adorable. But, I found ways to overcome trauma, though. I have a feeling your ideas about Autistic individuals might not be about their amazing qualities as humans but the impact of a debilitating society, one which they're not coded to play in, but then also we don't have to worry about being hypnotised by media or adverts. If we are, it's quite easy for us to reason out of that and shake it off. 

There's no 'mild' or 'severe'. You might have a few traits which fall on the Autism Spectrum, they either do or don't. You may or may not have additional disabilities or comorbidity, just like a Neurotypical. You may or may not be a hyper-phant, or able to identify all the nuances in cheese or whisky. You may or may not be able to hyper-focus on a task to completion and forget to eat. Understand that the world needs Autistic individuals. We have always existed and will continue or the human race would die out for lack of someone to stand up and accidentally point out the snake oil or get stuck on a problem and accidentally discover particles or not come out of a studio for a week and produce the sort of music that brings a tribe together. We are not a sub-species. We are human and important. Restructure 'mild' to mean untapped potential and undisciplined skills. 

I agree that choice is important, but I do think that people ought to consider if it's fair. You're right about suffering, but then again who needs something else to suffer from? And yes, it has its advantages (for example, I'm no Einstein, but I've done fairly well on IQ tests), but in my opinion the disadvantages outweigh those. Personally I'd rather be average in intelligence and "normal". I don't think that many people would choose to remain autistic if it could be taken away.

I was arguing for the right of choice. Suffering is the human lot, for the greater part of humanity for most of the time since we evolved self awareness. Your arguments are applicable to all potential parents. For many autistics the condition gives as well as takes away, it is not universally negative. 

Yeah, it's a bit of a long story, I went into it on my other question, but they were saying at one point maybe I don't have it (one of the doctors even said that he was fairly certain that I don't, but for some reason the diagnosis remained), plus I've done my own research and I really don't think I've got it. I'm looking to get the diagnosis removed. But if I do have it, I don't think that it'd be fair to risk giving it to any potential kids. I have it mildly (either that or I'm just a bit odd lol) but it has affected me negatively in a few ways, especially when I was younger. Is it fair to perhaps pass this on to my children?

I'm not sure that I agree that anyone and everyone should have children, I'm certainly not suggesting eugenics or anything, but shouldn't people consider the children and how it might affect them, rather than just considering their own desire to have children? Especially for more severe or perhaps deadly conditions. I don't want to try and impose my beliefs on others, but I'm not sure whether I should potentially give my children a condition which does cause a lot of suffering. They might have a lot of joy in life, but as you say, they will also have difficulties. Is giving them potentially even more problems to deal with fair. My parents don't have it (or if one of them does, they don't know about it), but if they did I'd wonder whether or not they should've had me, considering the problems it's given me. This is quite a controversial and offensive to some opinion, I know, but I think I have a point.