Relationship Help... 'How can you deny her a sibling?'

Emotional blackmail, regardless of the intentions behind it, is a form of abuse and she is trying to manipulate you.

Perhaps she's trying to keep you in the relationship by trying to guilt you into having another baby with her. I mean, when things are falling apart, many people try anything to keep some level of comfort and stability.

I mean maybe her first child was brought into the world with full support from both you and her, and she might be trying to reignite those previous moments by having a second child. 

I mean, if I think about it, if you actually do as she says and have intercourse with her, it might be her last chance to try and rekindle the relationship, but if it does not work and she's pregnant again, that's a lot to handle. She'll be carrying around another baby, possibly as a single mother, and you'll be either guilt tripped to stay with her, or you'll be publically shamed for leaving her and the baby.

And it's even more confusing to try and explain the situation to people, when you've possibly told everyone that you were going to end the relationship, and then suddenly she's pregnant again! And if you still end up leaving the relationship, that would make you look like an A-hole to everyone (not that you are an actual A-hole), but if you explain that it was her idea to have another child so that your first child won't be lonely, that's not going to make much sense to anyone. 

Also, you'll be paying child support for two children, and be hounded for child support payments almost every other week, drained of a majority of your money without a care from anyone else, (because you'll be seen as the A-hole who left her while she was pregnant with her second baby) while she can get into a new relationship and have two income streams from you and her new partner. Also you will have barely anything to support yourself, and if you get a new partner, you're paying child support plus trying to finance a new family, and that's going to be hard to do.

I rarely see siblings that like each other, and a baby should not be brought into the world in such an unstable situation where there's a lot of uncertainties about who can provide for them. 

I admit, I don't really see anything good that could come out of this request of hers. 

Thank you very much for all of your advice. It's not the only time it's been said but this time just took me off guard and stuck with me. I do see it the same way in that siblings don't always get on well, I know me and my sibling don't even speak anymore. And as you also said there's nothing stopping her having more kids so I don't know why that would be put on me, as obviously things don't always work out. 

Ultimately I guess I find it hard to see that it could all be manipulative behaviour as you don't want to believe people you care about would act like that. To be honest there are many more examples of this and it's hard not to see it now so just wanted abit of confirmation that it wasn't exactly normal to make such comments and try to guilt me. I won't go into the other examples but thank you all very much for your comments and help with this. 

M

Clearly she is upset, and is trying to guilt you into staying, by suggesting this. It’s unfair to you. As if you haven’t got enough in your plate to deal with.

You have a relationship with your child, and that will always be the case. If your ex wants another child sometime down the road she can. But it’s madness to have a child to try and repair a broken relationship.

Treat yourself with care, and focus on the task in hand. What you’ve done (deciding to split) is the best decision for you, and no doubt you thought long and hard about it, and examined every angle and possibility. These decisions are never easy, but everything will sort itself out in the end. Just give it time.

This is a form of gaslighting and it's manipulative. Children adapt to some degree regardless of siblings. My son LOVES that he's an only child. And with cousins or friends, an Only Child can chose their own 'siblings' as they please with friendship.

Perhaps your partner is hurt and this is their way of being angry because it's the only way they've been taught (usually one's parents will be doing this to them), but this is toxic. They may need some gentle guidance out of this type of manipulation or they may just really need to take this to a therapist. Manipulation only recreates rejection at a core level and is destructive to everyone around. I'd address this asap so this individual doesn't end up teaching your child this is how they give and receive love.

Sounds like she’s trying to guilt you into staying in the relationship by suggesting that it might upset your child to not have a sibling. As others have pointed out your child may end up having an unhappy relationship with a sibling they’re not guaranteed happiness from that situation, and also having a baby is probably the worst thing to bring into a strained relationship. Have you had any relationship counselling? I think it would be helpful for you both to understand what is going on at the moment

Why does she assume a sibling will make your child happy? Siblings often fight a lot especially if they are close in age. It does seem like she's looking for a way to save your relationship ... not that that's a bad thing to want to do. But seriously it's hard to form connections with people and children suffer a lot from divorce. So if the desire for a second child is her showing signs of seriously wanting to work on your relationship I'd hear her out. About the relationship I mean not the child.

Goodness!  What a strange thing for your ex to say.  A) a relationship coming to an end is hardly the right time to have a child - it seems very odd your partner should even be thinking that it is.  b) Who says your daughter would be made happy by a sibling, anyway?  She might, but then again she might not take to having one.  Not all siblings get on.  Kids - indeed family - are a lottery.  some make you happy, others you can't abide and are better off without.  You can't exactly order the perfect sibling for her.