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Relationship Help... 'How can you deny her a sibling?'

NAS75030

Hi,

I have been in a long term relationship that is now coming to an end, this was instigated by myself and has then ultimately resulted in me looking at myself and my mental health etc During this process I stumbled upon information about ASD in adults and it just fit and I've gone from there, and currently sit on the waiting list for possible diagnosis. The relationship has been on and off the last year and a half, and we do have a young child together (showing possible signs of also being on the spectrum). I specifically wanted to ask a question about something that has been said to me by my partner/ex partner...

She said 'How can you deny her a sibling?' 

This specific question, obviously like with most questions fired at me unexpectedly I couldn't find the words to answer. I understand she is still hurt and confused by all of this but is this just to make me feel guilt and responsible for denying my own child (who is my world by the way) a sibling and any extra happyness that might bring...even though the relationship isn't working or making us happy anymore. I just found it very confusing as to why ask that and put that on me as I work really hard and always will to make my child happy. This might not be the place to ask and discuss this but I don't reach out and talk much but I feel like I need to, and this is one of the only places I have previously done that. I hope that's ok. Any advice or suggestions on this would be really appreciated, so it's not exclusively rattling round my own head. Thank you so much.

M

Parents

  • Thank you very much for all of your advice. It's not the only time it's been said but this time just took me off guard and stuck with me. I do see it the same way in that siblings don't always get on well, I know me and my sibling don't even speak anymore. And as you also said there's nothing stopping her having more kids so I don't know why that would be put on me, as obviously things don't always work out. 

    Ultimately I guess I find it hard to see that it could all be manipulative behaviour as you don't want to believe people you care about would act like that. To be honest there are many more examples of this and it's hard not to see it now so just wanted abit of confirmation that it wasn't exactly normal to make such comments and try to guilt me. I won't go into the other examples but thank you all very much for your comments and help with this. 

    M

Reply

  • Thank you very much for all of your advice. It's not the only time it's been said but this time just took me off guard and stuck with me. I do see it the same way in that siblings don't always get on well, I know me and my sibling don't even speak anymore. And as you also said there's nothing stopping her having more kids so I don't know why that would be put on me, as obviously things don't always work out. 

    Ultimately I guess I find it hard to see that it could all be manipulative behaviour as you don't want to believe people you care about would act like that. To be honest there are many more examples of this and it's hard not to see it now so just wanted abit of confirmation that it wasn't exactly normal to make such comments and try to guilt me. I won't go into the other examples but thank you all very much for your comments and help with this. 

    M

Children
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