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Relationship Help... 'How can you deny her a sibling?'

NAS75030

Hi,

I have been in a long term relationship that is now coming to an end, this was instigated by myself and has then ultimately resulted in me looking at myself and my mental health etc During this process I stumbled upon information about ASD in adults and it just fit and I've gone from there, and currently sit on the waiting list for possible diagnosis. The relationship has been on and off the last year and a half, and we do have a young child together (showing possible signs of also being on the spectrum). I specifically wanted to ask a question about something that has been said to me by my partner/ex partner...

She said 'How can you deny her a sibling?' 

This specific question, obviously like with most questions fired at me unexpectedly I couldn't find the words to answer. I understand she is still hurt and confused by all of this but is this just to make me feel guilt and responsible for denying my own child (who is my world by the way) a sibling and any extra happyness that might bring...even though the relationship isn't working or making us happy anymore. I just found it very confusing as to why ask that and put that on me as I work really hard and always will to make my child happy. This might not be the place to ask and discuss this but I don't reach out and talk much but I feel like I need to, and this is one of the only places I have previously done that. I hope that's ok. Any advice or suggestions on this would be really appreciated, so it's not exclusively rattling round my own head. Thank you so much.

M

Parents

  • This is a form of gaslighting and it's manipulative. Children adapt to some degree regardless of siblings. My son LOVES that he's an only child. And with cousins or friends, an Only Child can chose their own 'siblings' as they please with friendship.

    Perhaps your partner is hurt and this is their way of being angry because it's the only way they've been taught (usually one's parents will be doing this to them), but this is toxic. They may need some gentle guidance out of this type of manipulation or they may just really need to take this to a therapist. Manipulation only recreates rejection at a core level and is destructive to everyone around. I'd address this asap so this individual doesn't end up teaching your child this is how they give and receive love.

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  • This is a form of gaslighting and it's manipulative. Children adapt to some degree regardless of siblings. My son LOVES that he's an only child. And with cousins or friends, an Only Child can chose their own 'siblings' as they please with friendship.

    Perhaps your partner is hurt and this is their way of being angry because it's the only way they've been taught (usually one's parents will be doing this to them), but this is toxic. They may need some gentle guidance out of this type of manipulation or they may just really need to take this to a therapist. Manipulation only recreates rejection at a core level and is destructive to everyone around. I'd address this asap so this individual doesn't end up teaching your child this is how they give and receive love.

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