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Relationship Help... 'How can you deny her a sibling?'

NAS75030

Hi,

I have been in a long term relationship that is now coming to an end, this was instigated by myself and has then ultimately resulted in me looking at myself and my mental health etc During this process I stumbled upon information about ASD in adults and it just fit and I've gone from there, and currently sit on the waiting list for possible diagnosis. The relationship has been on and off the last year and a half, and we do have a young child together (showing possible signs of also being on the spectrum). I specifically wanted to ask a question about something that has been said to me by my partner/ex partner...

She said 'How can you deny her a sibling?' 

This specific question, obviously like with most questions fired at me unexpectedly I couldn't find the words to answer. I understand she is still hurt and confused by all of this but is this just to make me feel guilt and responsible for denying my own child (who is my world by the way) a sibling and any extra happyness that might bring...even though the relationship isn't working or making us happy anymore. I just found it very confusing as to why ask that and put that on me as I work really hard and always will to make my child happy. This might not be the place to ask and discuss this but I don't reach out and talk much but I feel like I need to, and this is one of the only places I have previously done that. I hope that's ok. Any advice or suggestions on this would be really appreciated, so it's not exclusively rattling round my own head. Thank you so much.

M

Parents

  • Perhaps she's trying to keep you in the relationship by trying to guilt you into having another baby with her. I mean, when things are falling apart, many people try anything to keep some level of comfort and stability.

    I mean maybe her first child was brought into the world with full support from both you and her, and she might be trying to reignite those previous moments by having a second child. 

    I mean, if I think about it, if you actually do as she says and have intercourse with her, it might be her last chance to try and rekindle the relationship, but if it does not work and she's pregnant again, that's a lot to handle. She'll be carrying around another baby, possibly as a single mother, and you'll be either guilt tripped to stay with her, or you'll be publically shamed for leaving her and the baby.

    And it's even more confusing to try and explain the situation to people, when you've possibly told everyone that you were going to end the relationship, and then suddenly she's pregnant again! And if you still end up leaving the relationship, that would make you look like an A-hole to everyone (not that you are an actual A-hole), but if you explain that it was her idea to have another child so that your first child won't be lonely, that's not going to make much sense to anyone. 

    Also, you'll be paying child support for two children, and be hounded for child support payments almost every other week, drained of a majority of your money without a care from anyone else, (because you'll be seen as the A-hole who left her while she was pregnant with her second baby) while she can get into a new relationship and have two income streams from you and her new partner. Also you will have barely anything to support yourself, and if you get a new partner, you're paying child support plus trying to finance a new family, and that's going to be hard to do.

    I rarely see siblings that like each other, and a baby should not be brought into the world in such an unstable situation where there's a lot of uncertainties about who can provide for them. 

    I admit, I don't really see anything good that could come out of this request of hers. 

Reply

  • Perhaps she's trying to keep you in the relationship by trying to guilt you into having another baby with her. I mean, when things are falling apart, many people try anything to keep some level of comfort and stability.

    I mean maybe her first child was brought into the world with full support from both you and her, and she might be trying to reignite those previous moments by having a second child. 

    I mean, if I think about it, if you actually do as she says and have intercourse with her, it might be her last chance to try and rekindle the relationship, but if it does not work and she's pregnant again, that's a lot to handle. She'll be carrying around another baby, possibly as a single mother, and you'll be either guilt tripped to stay with her, or you'll be publically shamed for leaving her and the baby.

    And it's even more confusing to try and explain the situation to people, when you've possibly told everyone that you were going to end the relationship, and then suddenly she's pregnant again! And if you still end up leaving the relationship, that would make you look like an A-hole to everyone (not that you are an actual A-hole), but if you explain that it was her idea to have another child so that your first child won't be lonely, that's not going to make much sense to anyone. 

    Also, you'll be paying child support for two children, and be hounded for child support payments almost every other week, drained of a majority of your money without a care from anyone else, (because you'll be seen as the A-hole who left her while she was pregnant with her second baby) while she can get into a new relationship and have two income streams from you and her new partner. Also you will have barely anything to support yourself, and if you get a new partner, you're paying child support plus trying to finance a new family, and that's going to be hard to do.

    I rarely see siblings that like each other, and a baby should not be brought into the world in such an unstable situation where there's a lot of uncertainties about who can provide for them. 

    I admit, I don't really see anything good that could come out of this request of hers. 

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