i'm torn apart

I completely understand how Aspergers can leave a whole family desperate.

My sister has Aspergers (though I suspect that this is not her only mental problem) and has had mental breakdowns and at times her behaviour has really damaged the whole family. She has been aggressive, suicidal and abusive, as well as violent towards us and the house. We couldn't take her out of the house and we couldn't leave her alone. We had little support at times and it was very difficult. It does get better, and it is better now but I still wonder whether her behaviour will return to how it was. There is always a chance that it will, i guess.

I am glad that your daughters behavious has improved and that you have some support now. My own experience of having a difficult teenage girl with Aspergers in the family is that it can either tear you apart or bring you together, but ultimately you need support.

my heart goes out to you, it is very sad you are feeling this way but please do not feel you are all alone.  I can't say i experience the same with my son at home but due to issues at school it does fall out into home and family life.  I understand how it effects relationships etc as my marriage has gone through the works lately over issues on how my hubbie and i agree on how things should be done which nearly led to a break up so i know how hard that can be. When we have a child with any disability the lines of communication need to be kept open, keep talking.

If you are going to be alone as your children are leaving the nest then possibly look to joining a club or find a hobby that is just for you.  We as parents need to take time out to also look after ourselves to keep our sanity.

Keep smiling, Shonagh x

Hi flurryfee

I was too suprised at how many people are going through similiar experiences to mine. Life is definitely a roller coaster at the best of times and I feel pulled all ways some times. Although it can be difficult at times sometimes a good moan is all that is needed.

Hi kabi

It was nice to read your post from personal experience. It is reassuring to see you looking back with such respect for your Mum and how much she supports you.

Hi too everyone above , this is my very first time in the community an reading the forums makes me feel like their alot of flies on my wall in my house lol .

Too reply to Smurfette totally understand how you feel i have son 14 with these characteristics daily , i do feel myself when he in a good mood you allow yourself to forget the day before when they where tearing their bedroom apart or threatning too leave home , refusing too take meds , completely defying everything you ask of them. But as Mandie said like her son has those same qualities of being very humorous & quirky makes you feel like theirs a slight sence of normality lol ...

Totally agree with the school term holidays we had a meeting with J's tutor, LEA, careers advisor etcetc last wk and i raised this as my time too breakdown an wear PJ's all week .... which we had a laugh about but its SO SO SO  draining and has a massive health impact on myself but also the family home and its ran through J .

Hope you ave found a little comfort in that reply as well as me writing it ..... TC x

No proble Kabi, not sure why that was appearing in there but I've taken it out now.

I'm sorry about all that stuff at the top. I'm not sure what it is.

I don’t know if I have the right to comment on this, as I don’t have any children with Aspergers. But I can remember being a 15 year old girl with Aspergers and understand what we can be like. The teenage years are so chaotic and adding Aspergers into the mix…

I have nothing but gratitude and respect for my own mother for putting up with me during this time and (I hope I’m not over stepping my bounds here) but I think your daughter will feel the same gratitude towards you in the future. I know this may not be much help for the moment but don’t loose hope. You dedication will mean so much to her when she’s older

I am so pleased you feel better at the moment. I too am pleased I have found someone experiencing similar difficulties to mine. It is often easier to be isolated and deal with the issues we face outside of our home environment.

School term time allows us time to ourselves school holidays are always the worse for me too as J gets bored but when we go out it is a nightmare as you describe.

Life with J is a roller coaster I always try to remember the ups in the down times though it is not always easy.

Your not alone as I will be thinking of you as I go through it too.

Hi Mandie. Appreciate your support. My daughter also has a wicked sense of humour and can be great company.would love to talk more as it does sound like we experience very similar difficulties.

thanks colincat. I am getting counselling provided thro my g.p but not autistic or asperger specialist.( Is that a word!, well you know what I mean). I have left my details for someone to call me from parentline. I am trying to find out about support services local for me but I am finding the NAS site a bit difficult to navigate but I am getting there. Again thanks for the support.

Thanks Princessahara,Mandy and Colin.  Feeling better today. School is back so she is back into a familiar routine. Partner has calmed down also and isn't going anywhere, until the next time!  Down time is always hard and all the holidays this month created a real problem. We are back to our usual routines so things have settled fairly quickly.

balancing keeping her safe, letting her be a 15 year old teenager, keeping her occupied and not spending too much!..............Its a juggling act that sometimes I cant keep up with.

Its really good being able to put down how I feel and know there are people that understand, really understand what I am going through.

Thank you everyone.  

Dear Smurfette

I am so sorry that you are struggling at the moment.  I can totally empathise with how you are feeling.  You need to look after yourself otherwise you will not be able to help all the other people in your life who obviously depend on you.  Although there are times when you don't want to be strong and you want someone to look after you and support you.  I wonder if you have been to your doctor for support for you rather than for your daughter?  Counselling may be a way forward to help you get things off your chest.

I have provided a link below for

I am sorry you feel so low. I have a 15 year old aspie son. I too often feel isolated as his behaviour is unpredictable when we go out. I feel as you do as my partner also feels I am dictacted to then my son says he hates me and I dont care, I am trying to please everyone leaving myself exhausted and down.

We have good days and I enjoy my sons wicked sense of humour and his quirky take on the world this usually sees me through and I am still lucky to have a couple of friends.

I know that NAS have local groups (I have not attended) this may help. I am happy to give you any support I can if it helps.

Chin up mate x