Published on 12, July, 2020
I've realised that people prefer it if I start with pleasantries, not just going straight to the point of what I want to say.
e.g. just now I went to get my recycling bin after it had been emptied. At least I thought it was my bin. I saw my neighbour getting into his car so I called 'is this my bin?' He looked blankly at me and said, 'hello, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while.' I was confused, I needed to know if that bin was mine or his. He was confused because he hadn't seen me for a while and wanted to say hello, not talk about bins.
Then it dawned on me, ta dahhhhhhhhhh! I should have said 'hello how are you?' Before launching into the questions about the bin.
I like to get straight to the point, never mind chit chat. Most humans prefer the chit chat first.
I hope this has been helpful
NT communication 101! Think of 3 things you couldn’t careless about, and say that before asking the real question.
”hi, how are you? how are the kids getting on at school? weather has been terrible hasn’t it? By the way….?
I find I can ask the questions, but I struggle to make my tone of voice or facial expressions sound and look actually interested.
I just say 'how are you?' 'things okay with you?' or something. I don't go into lots of detail. Or say 'done anything interesting lately?'
What happens if they tell you about the things they've done recently and you don't find them remotely interesting?
I just nod and smile. As a wife and mother I get plenty of practise at that listening to my family's stories. Then if I can change the subject I do.
I don't talk to people who only talk about themselves though, I assess people to see if they're good at back and forth conversations. If they lecture me, I don't talk to them if I can help it.