Published on 12, July, 2020
I hate being asked "how are you?" "are you ok?" "is anything on your mind" "you look like there's something on your mind"
I feel burnt out the last couple days, I don't like the heat I was forced to come to two small family gatherings one day after another and I didn't want to go but if I say I don't want to go I get a bunch of sh!t for it.
I hate having to go out socially more than once a week it just takes too much out me and as a result of the burn out because of that I feel so angry when people start asking me questions about how I'm feeling but I'm not good with feelings, I'm not good at understanding my own feeling (unless it's very obvious ones) and I'm even worse at explaining how I feel its like theres a mental block between how I feel and actually physically talking about it.
I hate feeling angry and I hate being angry at people because I hate confrontation and the potential repercussions of a confrontation no matter who it's with.
I don't like being being asked all the above questions in the first line, it feels like it's an invasion on my inner privacy, in my head I just think "why should I tell you" half the time if I do have a problem or 'something on my mind' I don't even know what it is that is bothering me and that gets me angry because everyone around me knows how they feel in an instant and they can talk about it in an instant and I just can't do that and they don't understand how I don't understand THAT and I can't do what they do.
I feel like crying, I'm sorry I hate being this person but you guys on here are literally the only people I can think that might even have half a chance of knowing what I'm talking about.
wow i really identify with what you said. I am similar in that way. my mum is also autistic and also is like this so i'm guessing what you described is actually normal for autistic people, as far as I can tell. i also hate being asked how i am. and I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that way feel better soon. sending a lot of warmth and love. (okay maybe there's enough warmth to be going on with maybe not)
one idea i had which might help, is to think about strengths you and (other autistic people ) have, which your nuerotypical people you know might not have. for example, some autistic people are very creative, or technical or analytical, in a way nuerotypical people could only dream of. and yes they have strengths like emotional awereness, but also weaknesses like thousands of dumb social rules and sometimes shallowness. itll help with boosting yourself!
also regarding feelings i heard from an expert in autistic people, that sometimes thinking in terms of colours, or whichever words make sense, is great. she said words like anxiety and stress often don't resonate and words like overwhelm, righteous injustice, etc, or whatever feels right, do. for me i also use an app called molehill mountain which prompts me with questions like what are you worried about to help me.
hope this post is alright i know it's a bit rambling!
NAS72895 said:s i heard from an expert in autistic people, that sometimes thinking in terms of colours, or whichever words make sense, is great.
Really good advice - I've a mood meter based on work from the Yale Centre of Emotional Intelligence (Mark Breckett does work on emotional awareness and learning) which maps emotion words on a spectrum against color so it helps if I'm able to link an emotional word to having a "blue" moment, or a "green" one.
I always found words like "anxiety" and "stress" too vague.
NAS72895 said:or me i also use an app called molehill mountain which prompts me with questions like what are you worried about to help me.
I'm off to google to look at this now - thanks for sharing this.
what's the link for this mood meter? i'd like that.
I was going to post but Deepthought beat me to it
There's the app - also if you google "mood meter" and look in images there's loads of them.
I started using a paper copy when I had more control over my day. As things have got busier I've let that slide (it's harder to remember to check in, take downtime - all the self-care stuff I should be doing) so using the app is a good call.