Published on 12, July, 2020
I hate being asked "how are you?" "are you ok?" "is anything on your mind" "you look like there's something on your mind"
I feel burnt out the last couple days, I don't like the heat I was forced to come to two small family gatherings one day after another and I didn't want to go but if I say I don't want to go I get a bunch of sh!t for it.
I hate having to go out socially more than once a week it just takes too much out me and as a result of the burn out because of that I feel so angry when people start asking me questions about how I'm feeling but I'm not good with feelings, I'm not good at understanding my own feeling (unless it's very obvious ones) and I'm even worse at explaining how I feel its like theres a mental block between how I feel and actually physically talking about it.
I hate feeling angry and I hate being angry at people because I hate confrontation and the potential repercussions of a confrontation no matter who it's with.
I don't like being being asked all the above questions in the first line, it feels like it's an invasion on my inner privacy, in my head I just think "why should I tell you" half the time if I do have a problem or 'something on my mind' I don't even know what it is that is bothering me and that gets me angry because everyone around me knows how they feel in an instant and they can talk about it in an instant and I just can't do that and they don't understand how I don't understand THAT and I can't do what they do.
I feel like crying, I'm sorry I hate being this person but you guys on here are literally the only people I can think that might even have half a chance of knowing what I'm talking about.
wow i really identify with what you said. I am similar in that way. my mum is also autistic and also is like this so i'm guessing what you described is actually normal for autistic people, as far as I can tell. i also hate being asked how i am. and I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that way feel better soon. sending a lot of warmth and love. (okay maybe there's enough warmth to be going on with maybe not)
one idea i had which might help, is to think about strengths you and (other autistic people ) have, which your nuerotypical people you know might not have. for example, some autistic people are very creative, or technical or analytical, in a way nuerotypical people could only dream of. and yes they have strengths like emotional awereness, but also weaknesses like thousands of dumb social rules and sometimes shallowness. itll help with boosting yourself!
also regarding feelings i heard from an expert in autistic people, that sometimes thinking in terms of colours, or whichever words make sense, is great. she said words like anxiety and stress often don't resonate and words like overwhelm, righteous injustice, etc, or whatever feels right, do. for me i also use an app called molehill mountain which prompts me with questions like what are you worried about to help me.
hope this post is alright i know it's a bit rambling!
Thank you, I'll look at that app you mentioned.
I don't have anyone in my family that I can really talk to about this I'm the only autistic person in my family and I don't have any friends either I'm just really alone in my life especially when I have my 'autism issues' I'm starting to think more and more that I should see a therapist I didn't think about this moment the over day when I asked if should see a therapist when nothing really negative is happening in my life but this happens to me quite a lot I just get so frustrated that I can't understand my feelings and emotions and the reasons why I feel what I feel.
something like this can 'trigger' (I hate that word) an almost short-term depressive episode that can last a few days or a few weeks because ill just end up shutting down
can you explain what you mean when you talk about colours a bit more I never heard of that