Think my partner is autistic

If he knows nothing about AS, or has wrong information about it, then he may react angrily, but don't let that stop you. He may need time to get used to the idea.  Maybe ask him questions first to see if he recognises the behaviours which you know are traits. Maybe even something like "did you know that these are traits on the Autism Spectrum?"

I came to realise I had AS from a friend that worked with children with Autism. It happened over a lot of conversations, first about my Mum's behaviour, and then she said "actually you have some traits too".  Even though I have a relative who has it and lives in residential care I really didn't know what it is.  I am very glad my friend had these conversations with me. I now have had an "offical diagnosis" and it has helped me a lot to find more appropriate solutions to problems

talk to him.

Deleuze ~ spot on !

 quote"but chances are that he will have had numerous experiences in the past that 'make more sense' after he learns more about autism. Certainly the case for me - I either didn't realize I had problems and thought everyone else was at fault or I just accepted my life as the way of human experience".

 It allows for a rational conclusion to a scary world.

My wife similarly suggested that I look into autism after she noticed on-going traits in my personality and behavior.

What she did for me was look at the autism.org.uk website to get more background on her suspicions and ask me whether I knew anything about autism - I did but not nearly as much as the website revealed to me.

So after she had a look and asked me about my knowledge she sent me a few links, asked me what I thought and whether it had ever crossed my mind that it might be a condition I had.  I took it very well, did my own (far too extensive) research (including academic papers and nosology etc.) and am now deciding whether/how to go about pursuing a formal diagnosis.

I can't comment on how your boyfriend will respond - but chances are that he will have had numerous experiences in the past that 'make more sense' after he learns more about autism.  Certainly the case for me - I either didn't realize I had problems and thought everyone else was at fault or I just accepted my life as the way of human experience.

Hi all,

Thanks for your responses so far! Already feel a lot more positive about things.

Hohner- I agree that my reasoning is partly to do with my job and what I think see, however, it is for that reason that I've not pushed this matter any further with my partner. I don't want to be misguided and cause offence. What you have asked of his family describe them perfectly. They live in a remote area and rarely socialise with anyone other than family. They all find maintaing eye contact for any length of time, quite obviously difficult.

Kasia- Thank you for your response. I do love him very much and it's more considering plans for the future than splitting up (although this could end up being a consequence). He sees things very black and white, sort of doesn't see that in order for us to secure our future, lots of different thigns have to happen.

Some more information: He's often very tired and its very genuine. He doesnt see that he has free time even though his day is the same as any other person who works. He only has one close friend that I know of and when he's in a larger group, he doesnt really socialise well, over stepping the 'banter' at times, but genuinely not realising it. Will often go home early.

To make things even more difficult, its a long distance relationship and unless I organise things to the very last detail and all he has to do is get to one place for a specific time, we dont see each other. He doesn't have the ability to sort it out.

I realise these things might not be linked with autism, and like hohner said, it might be as a result of my job i;m thinking it is, but would just like to hear people's thoughts.

Hello snowflake24,

I'm a mum of a 4 year old who's been diagnosed with mild ASD few mothes ago. As I found out about it I've realised that it's very likely that his dad (my partner) has got the same condition. He suffered for anxiety since he can remember and which he blamed on difficult childhood but now we came to think he probably has mild ASD as well.

I really sympathise with you, because I know how chalenging it can be to be in a relationship with someone who has this kind of problem. 

It sounds like you are considering splitting up and I know it must be very difficult for you knowing how badly people on the autistic spectrum can take changes. I guess it all comes down to how much you love your partner, if there's a point in staying with him or not. 

I think the best thing would be to talk to him about the condition and hope he will accept it and try to self improve, because it is possible. 

In my case I know that as upsetting as it was, it was kind of relief for my partner to find out about it, to get more info etc. We talk about it a lot and I know he does try hard to improve his behaviour.

There are time when I feel like just running away for him but I do love him alot, he is a good person and I think he deserves to have a loving family.

Nobeody is perfect, we all have our issues and I think some people are able to hide theirs better then others.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you a lot of strengh!

:)

talk to him,, if you can not, there is not a true love open communication line, if he reacts negative when you talk to him, you may be seeing a new side of this personality, which may help you move on. How are this parents,, remote, obsessive, full of anxiety, eye contact, do this parents or your boyfriend have lots of friends, normally autism is an insular condition  ?

You may be looking for an explanation through transference mindset of your job, you may have institutional thinking and looking for attention.

this may assist

psychcentral.com/.../autism.htm.