Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I have been in a relationship for almost ten years with my partner. Apparently for the first year I lied and pretended to be into a loving relationship and when we started living together that all went out of the window on my part.
We have argued loads over the years about my lack of interest with intimacy. I started to speak to a counsellor who quickly suggested ASD. Now it all makes sense and when I said to my partner I didn’t understand what was wanted of me I wasn’t being a prat, I really didn’t understand.
I don’t feel the need for intimacy like my partner does. She feels unloved unwanted the list goes on.
I know what I need to do to make it right and after we have these discussions or I sit and listen, I do make an effort but then it is not on my radar any more and I revert and the whole cycle starts again. I do love her equally. It’s just I don’t need intimacy to make a connection but I have to understand that she does.
I’ve been trawling through the forums to see if anyone had posted anything similar but could not find anything.
I’m guess I’m looking for people in similar situations to me!
Hi, I can relate to that. My partner is the same and doesn't feel the need for intimacy the way I do. It is quite hard and can feel as though I'm not wanted or desired. Ultimately I try to remember that it isn't me and that he just doesn't need physical touch like I do. I don't know how to communicate to him about it though or if there's some way we could agree a compromise.. Maybe every so often when I really need to be hugged I could signal this to him. From your perspective what would you want your partner to do/ask?
Hi. To be honest I’ve told her just to ask. If she asks I know what she wants. For me it is as simple as that.
I suppose verbally asking for it makes it feel as though I'm taking a hug instead of being given one.