Questions

Hi,

I got diagnosed with autism last year, at the age of 21, due to a joke which then turned quite real. Even though I had a good therapist, I was left with too many questions to answer.

I tried to find answers in articles online or in books but the situations were all different, they all had family which understood and was supportive.

I wonder, why autism never gets discussed in my family. The only thing I heard was that I don’t seem like the typical autistic person and that it doesn’t make sense to them that I was diagnosed to begin with and if anyone else has these issues.

I wonder if anyone else’s problems just get downplayed by other people when they try to open up. Every time I say that I have autism people react with the same sentence “is it diagnosed then?”
this reaction just blows my mind.
I wonder why I never seem to fit in anywhere, even if I try so hard. I don’t even feel like I’m a past if my own family anymore. There is nothing that connects me to my parents an when I visit them, there is nothing we talk about.
My masking also doesn’t work very well anymore. Did anyone else experience their masking abilities to just disappear or weaken?

There are so many more questions I have but I have no one who can help me with that. I’d love to have a few people to talk to (:

So I don’t really know where I was going with this, maybe just letting off some steam?
If you wanna say something then you are welcome to do so (:

It’s my first time in a forum so please don’t be too harsch on me!

Parents

Deepthought over 4 years ago

Lisa said:
Hi,

Hello ~ and welcome to this here forum.

Lisa said:
I got diagnosed with autism last year, at the age of 21, due to a joke which then turned quite real. Even though I had a good therapist, I was left with too many questions to answer.

I got diagnosed with ASD in 2015 aged 44, after being referred to be assessed for Asperger's Syndrome in 2013. In terms of you having too many questions to be answered ~ you may well have to prepare yourself for having to cope with more answers than you are used too!

Lisa said:
I tried to find answers in articles online or in books but the situations were all different, they all had family which understood and was supportive.

I think the most viable option for satisfying your curiosity is not to let it run riot and treat the information gathering process as an ongoing state of affairs involving multiple sources, and although some families are all big and supportive of their autistic members, it certainly does not mean that all families are celebrating it either. Some families take ages to adjust, and some will not adjust as the familial hierarchy became long ago fixed and set with the behavioral roles of the family changing only in relation to when marriages, births and deaths occur.

Lisa said:
I wonder, why autism never gets discussed in my family.

One consideration might well involve what is called the parental league tables in terms of children's abilities at particular ages, involving which parents have produced the most viable or appealing offspring, and the familial hierarchy where family members are treated in accordance with their ability to support the family and society to whatever degree involving employment and being helpful and such like. Obviously as time goes on each member of the family gets used to each others differences, and the balance of neutral, positive and negative attributions get somewhat challenged when they turn out to be neurological differences rather than willful acts of rebellion or failure to apply oneself and all that sort of thing.

Lisa said:
The only thing I heard was that I don’t seem like the typical autistic person and that it doesn’t make sense to them that I was diagnosed to begin with and if anyone else has these issues.

It is most likely that as the expression goes ~ "Once you have met one person with autism; you have met one person with autism!" ~ and obviously as an expression that is often quoted; many people on the autistic diagnostic spectrum get typecast with one size fits all generalizations about what autism involves as being a behavioral condition.

.

Obviously the most visible varieties of autism are going to be the most recognized and agreed with, whereas the most invisible behavioral traits are going to be least recognized and most disagreed with ~ by the least informed.

Lisa said:
I wonder if anyone else’s problems just get downplayed by other people when they try to open up. Every time I say that I have autism people react with the same sentence “is it diagnosed then?”
this reaction just blows my mind.

Being that as Neurologically Diverse people (NDs) our minds function differently to those who are Neurologically Typical, and NTs tend to normalize any neurological or physiological divergence to help or to 'make' individuals fit into the collective of society with them.

.

When people do the "Have you been diagnosed then?" thing ~ I normally say, "Yes ~ at a neurological center by an autistic specialist!" When people refute or dismiss my diagnosis I have so far only smiled at their response in order to hold back my laughter, and I have also so far resisted the temptation to ask them rhetorically where they studied neurology at ~ and when did they pass their psychology degree specializing in autism then!

Lisa said:
I wonder why I never seem to fit in anywhere, even if I try so hard.

That will in part be due to the autism regarding problems with social interaction, communication and imagination difficulties ~ when it comes to socializing with people who are not autistic, but once you get the hang of socializing with autistic people you will get a better at socializing with people who are not autistic due to shared experiences, pointers and work arounds etcetera.

Lisa said:
I don’t even feel like I’m a past if my own family anymore. There is nothing that connects me to my parents an when I visit them, there is nothing we talk about.

Assuming that you mean you do not feel like you are part of your own family anymore ~ well that is not so surprising as most people tend to have a bit of an identity crisis on being diagnosed with autism, and most people with autism often relate with feeling like outsiders in their family and or in society at large anyway.

.

Their is an American autistic Website forum called Wrong Planet for instance.

.

And with having nothing to talk about with your parents that can be just a matter of time thing as you get through your mid to late twenties, and possibly the fact you mainly want to address one topic in particular that they are not sure how to deal with in terms of being authority figures ~ given that on the subject of autism they will be novices rather than the authority figure on the matter. So a bit challenging for them perhaps?

Lisa said:
My masking also doesn’t work very well anymore. Did anyone else experience their masking abilities to just disappear or weaken?

Regarding what I stated above about having an identity crisis ~ most people only have their mask to identify with in terms of being a neurologically typical identity, whereas you will be at a bit of a loss about masking your identity because you are not all that sure yet of what that involves ~ given the previous lack of answers to your questions about being autistic. Some for instance choose to give up masking or reduce it and some choose to continue on with it.

Lisa said:
There are so many more questions I have but I have no one who can help me with that. I’d love to have a few people to talk to (:

Somehow I think that your problems with a lack of people to communicate with and get answers from are pretty much over with in the written sense now.

Lisa said:
So I don’t really know where I was going with this, maybe just letting off some steam?
If you wanna say something then you are welcome to do so (:

Well one of my favorite expressions I really like telling is, "For the love of God or all that you may hold dear ~ remember always that the map is not the territory!" And I very nearly almost managed not to ask you how long you have been running off of steam and how did you come to be driven by steam if you have not always been so?

.

Excuse perhaps my silliness as I read and hear everything people communicate literally.

Lisa said:
It’s my first time in a forum so please don’t be too harsch on me!

Well hopefully you will have a really good and thoroughly enjoyable time here, but if anyone is harsh with you or you witness it going on with anyone else on the forum ~ under each post is the Cancel, Like and More options with the More option giving you the opportunity to report an abusive post if required. Also do not hesitate to e-mail the Community Manger in the first instance regarding people being suicidal or particularly abusive or harsh on threads, and just to make sure you know what is acceptable and what is not, here are the simple version Community Rules from the Community homepage.

.

It is generally considered best not to respond to abusive or harsh posts but just to report them by the More option or also the Community Manager, and let the Moderators deal with them, and keep in mind that the moderators only work from Monday to Friday, and do not usually work on evenings, nights, weekends and holidays. So if need be, be patient.

.

[This bit of the post was just a health and safety demonstration for this forum a little bit like a steward or stewardess would give on a airplane.]
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Deepthought over 4 years ago

Lisa said:
Hi,

Hello ~ and welcome to this here forum.

Lisa said:
I got diagnosed with autism last year, at the age of 21, due to a joke which then turned quite real. Even though I had a good therapist, I was left with too many questions to answer.

I got diagnosed with ASD in 2015 aged 44, after being referred to be assessed for Asperger's Syndrome in 2013. In terms of you having too many questions to be answered ~ you may well have to prepare yourself for having to cope with more answers than you are used too!

Lisa said:
I tried to find answers in articles online or in books but the situations were all different, they all had family which understood and was supportive.

I think the most viable option for satisfying your curiosity is not to let it run riot and treat the information gathering process as an ongoing state of affairs involving multiple sources, and although some families are all big and supportive of their autistic members, it certainly does not mean that all families are celebrating it either. Some families take ages to adjust, and some will not adjust as the familial hierarchy became long ago fixed and set with the behavioral roles of the family changing only in relation to when marriages, births and deaths occur.

Lisa said:
I wonder, why autism never gets discussed in my family.

One consideration might well involve what is called the parental league tables in terms of children's abilities at particular ages, involving which parents have produced the most viable or appealing offspring, and the familial hierarchy where family members are treated in accordance with their ability to support the family and society to whatever degree involving employment and being helpful and such like. Obviously as time goes on each member of the family gets used to each others differences, and the balance of neutral, positive and negative attributions get somewhat challenged when they turn out to be neurological differences rather than willful acts of rebellion or failure to apply oneself and all that sort of thing.

Lisa said:
The only thing I heard was that I don’t seem like the typical autistic person and that it doesn’t make sense to them that I was diagnosed to begin with and if anyone else has these issues.

It is most likely that as the expression goes ~ "Once you have met one person with autism; you have met one person with autism!" ~ and obviously as an expression that is often quoted; many people on the autistic diagnostic spectrum get typecast with one size fits all generalizations about what autism involves as being a behavioral condition.

.

Obviously the most visible varieties of autism are going to be the most recognized and agreed with, whereas the most invisible behavioral traits are going to be least recognized and most disagreed with ~ by the least informed.

Lisa said:
I wonder if anyone else’s problems just get downplayed by other people when they try to open up. Every time I say that I have autism people react with the same sentence “is it diagnosed then?”
this reaction just blows my mind.

Being that as Neurologically Diverse people (NDs) our minds function differently to those who are Neurologically Typical, and NTs tend to normalize any neurological or physiological divergence to help or to 'make' individuals fit into the collective of society with them.

.

When people do the "Have you been diagnosed then?" thing ~ I normally say, "Yes ~ at a neurological center by an autistic specialist!" When people refute or dismiss my diagnosis I have so far only smiled at their response in order to hold back my laughter, and I have also so far resisted the temptation to ask them rhetorically where they studied neurology at ~ and when did they pass their psychology degree specializing in autism then!

Lisa said:
I wonder why I never seem to fit in anywhere, even if I try so hard.

That will in part be due to the autism regarding problems with social interaction, communication and imagination difficulties ~ when it comes to socializing with people who are not autistic, but once you get the hang of socializing with autistic people you will get a better at socializing with people who are not autistic due to shared experiences, pointers and work arounds etcetera.

Lisa said:
I don’t even feel like I’m a past if my own family anymore. There is nothing that connects me to my parents an when I visit them, there is nothing we talk about.

Assuming that you mean you do not feel like you are part of your own family anymore ~ well that is not so surprising as most people tend to have a bit of an identity crisis on being diagnosed with autism, and most people with autism often relate with feeling like outsiders in their family and or in society at large anyway.

.

Their is an American autistic Website forum called Wrong Planet for instance.

.

And with having nothing to talk about with your parents that can be just a matter of time thing as you get through your mid to late twenties, and possibly the fact you mainly want to address one topic in particular that they are not sure how to deal with in terms of being authority figures ~ given that on the subject of autism they will be novices rather than the authority figure on the matter. So a bit challenging for them perhaps?

Lisa said:
My masking also doesn’t work very well anymore. Did anyone else experience their masking abilities to just disappear or weaken?

Regarding what I stated above about having an identity crisis ~ most people only have their mask to identify with in terms of being a neurologically typical identity, whereas you will be at a bit of a loss about masking your identity because you are not all that sure yet of what that involves ~ given the previous lack of answers to your questions about being autistic. Some for instance choose to give up masking or reduce it and some choose to continue on with it.

Lisa said:
There are so many more questions I have but I have no one who can help me with that. I’d love to have a few people to talk to (:

Somehow I think that your problems with a lack of people to communicate with and get answers from are pretty much over with in the written sense now.

Lisa said:
So I don’t really know where I was going with this, maybe just letting off some steam?
If you wanna say something then you are welcome to do so (:

Well one of my favorite expressions I really like telling is, "For the love of God or all that you may hold dear ~ remember always that the map is not the territory!" And I very nearly almost managed not to ask you how long you have been running off of steam and how did you come to be driven by steam if you have not always been so?

.

Excuse perhaps my silliness as I read and hear everything people communicate literally.

Lisa said:
It’s my first time in a forum so please don’t be too harsch on me!

Well hopefully you will have a really good and thoroughly enjoyable time here, but if anyone is harsh with you or you witness it going on with anyone else on the forum ~ under each post is the Cancel, Like and More options with the More option giving you the opportunity to report an abusive post if required. Also do not hesitate to e-mail the Community Manger in the first instance regarding people being suicidal or particularly abusive or harsh on threads, and just to make sure you know what is acceptable and what is not, here are the simple version Community Rules from the Community homepage.

.

It is generally considered best not to respond to abusive or harsh posts but just to report them by the More option or also the Community Manager, and let the Moderators deal with them, and keep in mind that the moderators only work from Monday to Friday, and do not usually work on evenings, nights, weekends and holidays. So if need be, be patient.

.

[This bit of the post was just a health and safety demonstration for this forum a little bit like a steward or stewardess would give on a airplane.]
Cancel
Up 0 Down

Reply

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