Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else struggle sometimes to do ‘appropriate’ greetings? You know, as the social skills textbook instructs, especially when hugely distracted by something else? Usually I can manage it, but this morning I may have managed to diversify!
I happened to need to pop to the Scout shop this morning to buy some badges for my Beavers. After I got out of my car I realised that there was what looked like a dead hedgehog by the side of the car park. So I had to stop for a few minutes to investigate whether a) it was actually a hedgehog, and b) it was actually dead. So after establishing those facts, I walked into the shop and rather than doing the textbook greeting, I just said “there’s a dead hedgehog in the car park!” Luckily they were fine with it, they even asked what group scarf it was wearing BUT this really isn’t the appropriate way for me to greet people who I haven’t seen for a few months!!
Oh I don’t know-it’s more interesting than hello? I know what you mean though. Around here the appropriate greeting is hello, how ya doing. I still can’t compute the fact that this isn’t a question you should answer...
I find the question ones the worst, too. Even now, if I'm flummoxed, which I often am when I just enter a different environment, I'll go for one of my classic literal descriptions; "How are you mate?" - "Very sweaty", "A bit damp", "My undies have ridden up my bum crack", or such like.
The ones where you can answer by just repeating the question aren't too bad these days. But when I first moved up to West Yorkshire, I encountered my nemesis; "Wass'tha noorthen?" It took my softie-Southerner brain long enough to work out that this meant "What do you know, then?". And after that - Aaargh! Know about what? Do I just pick a favourite trivia subject? Is there something I'm supposed to know?
Just to throw a spanner in the works, it's sometimes extended to "Wass'tha noorthen, owt o' nowt?" (What do you know, then, anything or nothing?) You would think that the binary options would be easier, but no, it's just a red herring.
My dad's stock greeting is "What d'ya know?" and over the years I've railed against it with things like "Pi is approximately 3.141" and "A light year is the distance that light travels in a year" and so on. To which he replies "Ahhhh......".
I'm going to have to try to find a clip of this :-)