Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else struggle sometimes to do ‘appropriate’ greetings? You know, as the social skills textbook instructs, especially when hugely distracted by something else? Usually I can manage it, but this morning I may have managed to diversify!
I happened to need to pop to the Scout shop this morning to buy some badges for my Beavers. After I got out of my car I realised that there was what looked like a dead hedgehog by the side of the car park. So I had to stop for a few minutes to investigate whether a) it was actually a hedgehog, and b) it was actually dead. So after establishing those facts, I walked into the shop and rather than doing the textbook greeting, I just said “there’s a dead hedgehog in the car park!” Luckily they were fine with it, they even asked what group scarf it was wearing BUT this really isn’t the appropriate way for me to greet people who I haven’t seen for a few months!!
Rebellion by escaping the palma violet infused slobbery kiss of your Nan, I like it
I might have to do a social experiment of sorts this week and instead of asking ‘how are you?’ of people when I see them, instead make an observation of something that I’ve recently seen or experienced, just to see what reactions I get :-)
Yeah, it’s just one of those things that you’re expected to do to be polite and play the social game!
Even the researchers at Havard know it’s a pointless question
www.google.com/.../stop-asking-how-are-you-harvard-researchers-say-this-is-how-successful-people-make-small-talk.html
I was thrown a bit by one this morning. Joining a conference call at work and initially there's only me and another guy I've never met, or talked to before, and don't know. He says "Morning, just the two of us so far - how are you?". Errrrm, I've got nothing so I say "FineThanksAndYou?". It's the verbal equivalent of a parry I guess, but it's all pointless.
I normally start with something I've seen like "I just saw a chaffinch on the phone wire" or "I've bought a new CD". I really don't do well with the build up to conversation.
Or the mum thing of licking their thumb then using the moistened thumb to clean something off of your face
Exactly! Though I wouldn’t be too happy about a dog slobbering all over me either!
Nothing beats a well trained fiancée
Ah! We wouldn’t want to ignite the forum censer! I’m sorry that you didn’t find halls too good! I felt badly cheated that I missed out on it but then I do like my own space and I was content in my little two bedroom flat with my eldest throughout my uni days.
It really does seem like you drew the short straw with your uni accommodation. I remember that friends of mine who were on the same course, all had en suite rooms, a kitchen was shared between 5 in the nicer accommodation and 14 in the towers but there was no having to share toilets/showers/wash basins. The noise sounds awful!
I would guess that all of the stress probably contributed to you drinking as often and as much as you did. But it didn’t help. Perhaps you getting drunk was you letting out all of the stress you were experiencing during the day but unfortunately didn’t go down too well with your fellow students or help with your agoraphobia!
The things we have to go through when trying to manage a condition that we don’t yet know we suffer from and much less how to appropriately manage it!
Glad you’ve left your mine sweeping days behind!
Kitsune said:How did you find halls?
I found it [profusion of words the forum censorship would not take kindly to].
I am not at all a natural communal dweller, and I was utterly unprepared for the social side of being a student. I also ended up in the worst of the on-campus Halls, with my window overlooking the main thoroughfare leading into the campus, wash-basin shared by other rooms and which residents and visitors had to walk right past for access, a long trek along corridors to get to the nearest loo, and each kitchen shared by thirty-odd students (all long since replaced by flashy new buildings). The lack of privacy and continual noise was horrendous.
Once my drinking got into full swing, things got out of hand rapidly - I couldn't look after myself at all, so I ended up having lots of drunken arguments with the students in adjacent rooms and who shared facilities with me. I was threatened with eviction a couple of times after complaints were made (understandable enough given the state that I allowed things to get into - smashing bottles against the walls while screaming obscenities is hardly neighbourly). This just intensified my agoraphobia, of course, as I was ashamed to show my face in the communal areas even when I was a bit more compos mentis.
Kitsune said:I still don't have that 'off switch' though, I don't know when to stop!
Likewise - once I've got started, I'll carry on drinking so long as there's still drink to be drunk (though I seem to have managed to put my mine-sweeping days behind me!)
I don't mind hugs and kisses generally, but it can be an anxious moment or two anticipating and/or trying to work out whether it's time for one/them (handshakes too).
Reminds me of when I was a teenager and mum had her family round (lounge packed, full of emergency chairs and people overflowing onto the floor) and I was going out, and mum would insist that I almost clamber over a floor full of people's legs to the far corner of the room to kiss my nana goodbye. Gran was quite short and never stood up, but instead grabbed people and pulled them towards her face to waft Palma Violets at them and slobber a stubbly kiss at them whilst small-talking them (me) out of existence.
One day I stood my ground and waved "Bye Nan!" from the doorway and thought I had reached the heights of rebellion.
Yes, yes, yes!!
Trogluddite said:I usually felt much more gross post-wipe than I had to begin with!
Oh, gosh, been there. What was it with mothers and their—ahem—'moistened' tissues? * Shudder *
Nessie said:if I wanted slobber, I'd get a dog!
Love it! Yes, exactly that (and it's also partly why I much prefer cats to dogs, too!)
When I was little, I used to be the same with having my chin wiped. My Mum was in the habit of keeping a bit of tissue tucked up her sleeve for this purpose, which she'd sometimes wet by [redacted!] - I usually felt much more gross post-wipe than I had to begin with!
I know, if I wanted slobber, I'd get a dog!
Kitsune said:I'm glad that your fiance is more understanding!
Yeh, I have him pretty well trained.
I can do hugs, I just don't tend to initiate them. As to whether I like being kissed on the cheek? It depends on a few factors! If the kisser has anything gross around their mouth or has prickly stubble then no, otherwise then I'm reasonably ok with it, as long as it's just a quick dry peck (an air kiss is even better) and they're not slobbering all over my cheek!
If I had anyone leaving spit on my cheek then I would wipe it off. If they're offended by that then they shouldn't have left spit on my cheek! I feel bad for you having to put up with your brother-in-laws leaving spit all over your cheeks, that would gross me out!
I'm glad that your fiance is more understanding!
There were definitely loads of good clubs! I was already living independently with my eldest daughter when I started university so I just stayed where I was and never lived in halls of residence. How did you find halls?
It's good that you've managed to cut down on the frequency of self medicating with alcohol. I've always had a tendency to self medicate with alcohol, but only when out at the weekend. I drink very infrequently now, only a few times this year I think, I still don't have that 'off switch' though, I don't know when to stop!
I used to always stub my toe on things! It hurts! In my early 20's I decided to started wearing slippers around the house to protect my toes and it's much less of an issue now, I still stub my toe but there's enough padding that it doesn't hurt!
My hand has recovered! Thank you!
And those of us that don't go along with social conventions get ostracized! Unless we've learned to play the game, most of the time!
Um, part 1. Is that I did a slightly socially inappropriate greeting and rather than saying 'Hi, how are you?' to the people in the scout shop, I instead told them that there was a dead hedgehog in the car park, because there was an actual dead hedgehog in the car park. Part 2. The phase 'there's a dead hedgehog in the/their car park' has been 'developed' by others posting on this thread to have other meanings such as being code for something such as piles or, someone having had too many ***s in their bottom!
hey yall, ....i wanna laugh, but dont understand the joke ??
Following on from the hugs (which I like), is there anyone else who hates being kissed on the cheek?
First, there's the whole one cheek or two thing; then there's the unbearable sensation of the saliva left on my skin. I've realised people (mostly extended family) find it pretty offensive when you wipe your cheek with your sleeve immediately after they've deposited their saliva there, especially once you get over the age of about 6 and it's no longer cute. My brother's in-laws are French and we see them most Christmases and on the kiddies' birthdays, so it's a full-on kiss-fest, after which I excuse myself to use the bathroom and rub off all the spit. I really can't bear it; just thinking about it now makes me want to scratch my face off.
My fiancé is pretty good these days as I've trained him to kiss me on my head/hair rather than the skin on my face, but on occasion when he forgets and I wipe the kiss straight off, he knows it's okay to laugh and give me a hug by way of apology.
I almost wish that I could honestly say that I'd never realised that!
It doesn't matter how much I prepare for greeting people, nor how often I repeat my rational knowledge of how the social rituals work; as soon as the situation is right there in front of me, the old literal-minded, over-analytical instinct kicks in again.
It's the same with rhetorical questions and other non-literal speech; rationally, I understand the principles perfectly well, and I nearly always get it right in written communication. But my first instinct, even after all these decades of practice, is still always the literal one. In spoken conversation, I most often catch myself in time and realise that I need to rethink; but every once in a while one will slip through the net if I'm a bit flustered or tired - even really obvious ones like "Can you do X?" meaning "Please do X?" not "Do you have the ability to do X?".
I have no idea why, but I just can't make the correct responses into a reflex or habit; and after nearly half a century, I somehow doubt that I'm ever going to.