Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else struggle sometimes to do ‘appropriate’ greetings? You know, as the social skills textbook instructs, especially when hugely distracted by something else? Usually I can manage it, but this morning I may have managed to diversify!
I happened to need to pop to the Scout shop this morning to buy some badges for my Beavers. After I got out of my car I realised that there was what looked like a dead hedgehog by the side of the car park. So I had to stop for a few minutes to investigate whether a) it was actually a hedgehog, and b) it was actually dead. So after establishing those facts, I walked into the shop and rather than doing the textbook greeting, I just said “there’s a dead hedgehog in the car park!” Luckily they were fine with it, they even asked what group scarf it was wearing BUT this really isn’t the appropriate way for me to greet people who I haven’t seen for a few months!!
Oh I don’t know-it’s more interesting than hello? I know what you mean though. Around here the appropriate greeting is hello, how ya doing. I still can’t compute the fact that this isn’t a question you should answer...
I find the question ones the worst, too. Even now, if I'm flummoxed, which I often am when I just enter a different environment, I'll go for one of my classic literal descriptions; "How are you mate?" - "Very sweaty", "A bit damp", "My undies have ridden up my bum crack", or such like.
The ones where you can answer by just repeating the question aren't too bad these days. But when I first moved up to West Yorkshire, I encountered my nemesis; "Wass'tha noorthen?" It took my softie-Southerner brain long enough to work out that this meant "What do you know, then?". And after that - Aaargh! Know about what? Do I just pick a favourite trivia subject? Is there something I'm supposed to know?
Just to throw a spanner in the works, it's sometimes extended to "Wass'tha noorthen, owt o' nowt?" (What do you know, then, anything or nothing?) You would think that the binary options would be easier, but no, it's just a red herring.
And those of us that don't go along with social conventions get ostracized! Unless we've learned to play the game, most of the time!
Kitsune said:Sadly, I believe the whole “how are you doing?” thing to be largely an airy fairy construct where you’re just expected to play along in order to fit in socially.
Linguists call it phatic communication - and you've pretty much nailed the definition! The content is immaterial and the only thing conveyed is one's willingness to go along with the social conventions.
I'm going to have to try to find a clip of this :-)
Ah bless him! It seems as though your dad has long since resigned himself to things always being the way they are! It's a shame that you can't make direct contact with him more easily. Though I have heard of this issue with some mobile phones, one of my sister-in-laws can neither send or receive text messages, so we use facebook messenger instead. Is your dad able to use WhatsApp?
No worries! I never specified that this one was a light hearted thread. I was just aware of my own social inappropriateness by way of a random 'greeting' and thought that I'd share it on here as I was sure that others on here may have experienced similar.
Don't worry about the delayed response, the forum is loading really slowly for me at the moment!
Oh no! I didn't realise that I was supposed to add 'I hope this email finds you well' to the end of an email to someone that I haven't contacted for a while Personally, I just put kind regards at the end of all of my emails, it's a good 'umbrella term' I think.
No he's still the same! Sometimes I feel sorry for my dad, other times incredibly frustrated with him and let down too. I'm sure he's undiagnosed ASD, he's had family and occasional friends taking the ****ss out of him for decades, been abused(as in taken for a ride) by people he trusts without question, and has been constantly "babied" by my mother (which is a whole 'nother story). So now I see him as pretty resigned to life continuing in the same vein; he just accepts that people will fail to understand or react with mild amusement / frustration and he doesn't care. He *says* he's happy though, and he's always believed that everything is everyone else's fault, so perhaps he's OK. My frustration is that I don't get to communicate with him without going through my mother, who I would rather not communicate with as often as she wants. His damned phone for some reason doesn't register my texts, so I have to call or ask mum via text to ask him something.
Sorry that was a bit deep for a light-hearted thread!
I don't know whether it's me or the forum software but I'm missing lots of replies at the moment - only saw this one 5 days later!
This made me laugh! It has also taken me decades of my life to learn how to respond.
Now i am struggling with email etiquette. Apparently I'm supposed to add "I hope this email finds you well" if I'm contacting someone after some time has elapsed. I feel so fake! Why would I wish anyone to be ill? If they are ill, why are they reading their work emails instead of lying under the duvet? I feel so insincere, I fear they will detect it.
Sadly, I believe the whole “how are you doing?” thing to be largely an airy fairy construct where you’re just expected to play along in order to fit in socially.
I personally would respond by asking someone ‘how they are’ back because when I ask it, I do want to know the honest answer and if someone were to respond that they weren’t doing too well, then I would enquire a bit further and try to help them if I was able to. But that’s just me.
That seems like a good response and it’s reciprocal too which tends to go down well with most people
I always find this weird as well, hear everybody around me in work saying "how was your night? good good" clearly not having listened to the response and I keep thinking everytime "why did you ask if you don't care". I seriously think it's stuff like that which is to blame for my last of answering questions about myself properly as I assume it's more politeness and they don't actually care. Then you get into that whole crap of is it not polite to not ask them questions back even if you don't want to know?
I just go with "Not a lot, how about you?" these days. I figure that this is probably a kind of correct answer, in the sense that I take the question to mean something along the lines of "have you heard any tasty gossip that I might like to hear?" - which I'm very unlikely to have done, and I wouldn't pass on anyway because I hate to talk about people behind their backs.
In the film Eraserhead someone says "well what do you know Henry!" and Henry looks terrified and says something like "I don't know much about anything really..."
I used to do random greetings like that when I was at primary school! Has your dad changed his greeting to you yet?
The “how are you mate?” question brings me to a recent discussion between myself and one of my autistic friends. When most people ask you how you are, they don’t ‘really’ want to know ‘how’ you are, it is simply a social pleasantry to ask people how they are and the socially acceptable response is to say “I’m good thank you!” accompanied by a big beaming smile, even if you are really fed far from good. We were wondering what the actual point in this is? Why ask a question to which you do not wish to know the honest answer?
The yorkshire greeting seems confusing! What is the correct answer?
My dad's stock greeting is "What d'ya know?" and over the years I've railed against it with things like "Pi is approximately 3.141" and "A light year is the distance that light travels in a year" and so on. To which he replies "Ahhhh......".