My mum thinks ive been misdiagnosed with autism

Cat stated:

made an appointment for the doctors to get a second opinion told me mum and she said to cancel it and that she tried to explain to me she's saying that she didn't say I was not autistic she was saying she doesn't think I'm autistic but it's only her opinion because she's only able to compare me to the two boys but she seems to start accepting that girls are different it was quite a frustrating conversation cos once again I seem to have misinterpreted what someone is saying which I struggle with a lot). She has said that I was a good kid apart from normal kid tantrums I did have friends up until High School I seemed like a normal kid so that makes me wonder. But i do misjudge the work place communication alot.

One thing to remember is that the feminine form of autism involves a greater ability to mask or social camouflage ~ i.e. fit into the social background, whereas the masculine form of autism involves being more obvious or less able to mask or social camouflage.

Alot of females on the spectrum tend to blend in more during the primary education years and thereafter to some extent, because girls are more group oriented by nature ~ for child delivering and rearing at the most basic physiological level.

Here are some links on late diagnosis and female autism that might prove useful perhaps in reassuring you and enlightening your mother and others even perhaps:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/costs-camouflaging-autism/

https://researchautism.org/the-autism-dilemma-for-women-diagnosis/

https://www.jenniferotooleauthor.com/autisminheels

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

I'd trust your diagnosis and agree that your mum's apparent doubt is probably more about her trying to protect her self image as 'good parent' (which I am sure she probably has been anyway). 

The female presentation of ASC and how it differs to the male presentation has only been researched in the past 10 years or so. 

The misunderstandings that you experience in conversation would be classed as indicators of ASC. 

Thank you for the advice :) made an appointment for the doctors to get a second opinion told me mum and she said to cancel it and that she tried to explain to me she's saying that she didn't say I was not autistic she was saying she doesn't think I'm autistic but it's only her opinion because she's only able to compare me to the two boys but she seems to start accepting that girls are different it was quite a frustrating conversation cos once again I seem to have misinterpreted what someone is saying which I struggle with a lot). She has said that I was a good kid apart from normal kid tantrums I did have friends up until High School I seemed like a normal kid so that makes me wonder. But i do misjudge the work place communication alot.

Thank you for all your advice it's really good

Hi Cat, sorry to read what you are going through, yes it is a head wreck for sure feeling in the middle of this. Hey, a diagnosis can be helpful for sure; but what is more important is the realtionship with your mum; try talking to her about what this is doing to you, and say that it kind of does help to have this diagnosis, and it would help more if she could go along with it, maybe just for a while, to see how this unfolds, she may be right, or the professional maybe right, but for now could she roll with things for you as this is what you need and what you feel would help.  Good luck with it x

You were assessed by a professional who diagnosed you as autistic, 

I think your mum is over focusing on the boys assessment and using it to measure yours in comparison, lots of people have different experiences of assessment that does not make them any less valid. 

I would suggest pointing your mum towards alot of the research and literature about the difference in autism in women and girls and how they are often misdiagnosed with anxiety and other problems instead of receiving an autism diagnosis, 

I understand its important to you for your mum to accept your diagnosis, but don't let it get to you to much, I know parents can be difficult and always think they are right I have similar problems with my mum she sees my daughters autism for what it is but when I point out that I have had those "traits" since childhood she dismisses it as I'm just odd! I think in part because she doesn't want to think she could have missed something like that, meaning she would question herself as a parent.

You can lay your worry at rest by simply using logic.

If you proport to have X, but your mother says you have Y;

then you have to provide evidence that you don't have Y, but you have X.

X is the opposite of Y, as NO is the opposite of YES.

You: I have Autism

Mother: No you don't.

You: I have symptom 1

Mother: That doesn't mean you are autistic

You: I have symptom 2, 3, 4, 5 etc

Mother: Okay I guess it does make more sense now.

It's that simple. If however you cannot provide sufficient evidence using many memorable accounts and observations about your own behaviour, then you may not have Autism but another neurological disorder.

You got a diagnosis from a professional. I'm sorry but your mom really doesn't have a say in it. Autism presents differently in different people, and a professional would have picked this up. It might present differently in your two brothers, but is nonetheless diagnosed by a professional. Your mom might be comparing you to them. Autism is a spectrum, so it should be approached in a way that takes this into account. Maybe try explaining that to her.

I'd stop worrying about what she thinks and move forward with your life. It's not being disrepectful or not showing your love to your mom to acknowledge your diagnosis. Your mom should really have the love and respect to recognise that you have needs that might need to be addressed around your diagnosis.

Hope you can both work together, but if not, stop worrying.