Published on 12, July, 2020
I can feel myself building up to a meltdown but I am struggling to find a way to ask for help or resolve the situations I am facing.
Due to unforseen circumstances I am now having to live with my partner at his house, which was fine to start with and we practicality live together anyway just we spend time at each other's houses usually. However since living at my partners house I have supressed my OCDs and routines as I appreciate it is his house so I can't dictate how things are managed etc. but I was finding this difficult so hinted at a few things such as how the housework is managed and how we can prep food better (bulk cooking) so I can cope with things better. This fell on deaf ears so I started to take matters into my own hands and started to do the housework as I normally would at home, but due to us being out of sync with how we do things, this was both exhausting and pointless so I gave it up as a bad job.
It's now reached a point where I can no longer cope with it and my anxiety is starting to soar. I can't relax when I need to, I can't listen to the music I want, I can't binge watch programmes when I just need to let my brain drift off for a while. I feel like whatever I need to do, it is a burden for my partner. He hasn't said this outright but I just get the feeling I am in the way and to be honest I do feel like an intruder. We haven't fallen out or said any unkind words to each other but I can feel myself getting snappy and short tempered so this is usually a bad sign.
On top of this I am getting burnt out and I am struggling with my job. There has been a lot of change and workloads have increased but to make things worse I have been criticised for not being socialable and networking better with my colleagues. To top it off, it now seems like everyone wants regular meetings with me or take me out to meet customers, when all I want is to be left alone to just take a bloody breather.
It feels like everyone is encroaching on me and I don't know how to manage it without me tipping over the edge and going into self-destruct mode.
I need some time out from everyone but everyone seems to be coming at me at full volume. I also find asking for help difficult but that when I do ask for help, it is either ignored or I am told to manage things better. I feel like I can't win.
Hi,
My partner and I used to get into massive rows over these sorts of things he had strict ideas on how things should be done and if we didn't fit that routine then his explosive rage would show itself.
Problem was I couldn't do things like keep the house how he wants as he has so much stuff from so many projects there is physically nowhere to put the normal household stuff! And God help me if I move or touch his stuff!
It was us researching asd for our daughter that solved it he realised that in all likelihood he is undiagnosed asd and that was what was causing the self-imposed rules that I kept unknowingly breaking.
We set up a 'man cave' for him which he unwinds in own TV my laptop the home sound system and I don't touch anything in there it is his space, I wind down in the living room he winds down in there. When he wants to he sits in front room or I will sit in kitchen adjacent to his space where he can talk to me if he wants while still retaining his space. It has really helped reduce the stress, we do still argue over mess but I'm physically limited and keep pointing out that it's his stuff in the way so when he moves it I will sort the rest so far it's not as bad
Is there anyway you could set up an area for yourself at your partners that is purely for you?
This sounds like a really good idea and good compromise overall. I am the opposite from your partner in that I cannot deal with visual clutter - it exhausts me trying to take it all in and process it. However, I can relate to everything having its place and this is down to how my mind works when I want to locate something. I can only find things by specific locations that I have memorised due to nit being able to spot things when there are numerous items to look at. If something is moved, I then have to process everything visually just to try and find something. This is both exhausting and anxiety triggering.
I spent some time at my house alone today and I felt loads better and relaxed. (I would like to stay at my house more but can't due to health and transport arrangements). Even silly things like the walls being a calming colour instead of the bold strong colours at my partners house, really help. The problem I have is that it is his house and I think he would feel like I am cutting him off a bit if I took over a room and locked myself away in it. I might have to approach the subject carefully.