Published on 12, July, 2020
I can feel myself building up to a meltdown but I am struggling to find a way to ask for help or resolve the situations I am facing.
Due to unforseen circumstances I am now having to live with my partner at his house, which was fine to start with and we practicality live together anyway just we spend time at each other's houses usually. However since living at my partners house I have supressed my OCDs and routines as I appreciate it is his house so I can't dictate how things are managed etc. but I was finding this difficult so hinted at a few things such as how the housework is managed and how we can prep food better (bulk cooking) so I can cope with things better. This fell on deaf ears so I started to take matters into my own hands and started to do the housework as I normally would at home, but due to us being out of sync with how we do things, this was both exhausting and pointless so I gave it up as a bad job.
It's now reached a point where I can no longer cope with it and my anxiety is starting to soar. I can't relax when I need to, I can't listen to the music I want, I can't binge watch programmes when I just need to let my brain drift off for a while. I feel like whatever I need to do, it is a burden for my partner. He hasn't said this outright but I just get the feeling I am in the way and to be honest I do feel like an intruder. We haven't fallen out or said any unkind words to each other but I can feel myself getting snappy and short tempered so this is usually a bad sign.
On top of this I am getting burnt out and I am struggling with my job. There has been a lot of change and workloads have increased but to make things worse I have been criticised for not being socialable and networking better with my colleagues. To top it off, it now seems like everyone wants regular meetings with me or take me out to meet customers, when all I want is to be left alone to just take a bloody breather.
It feels like everyone is encroaching on me and I don't know how to manage it without me tipping over the edge and going into self-destruct mode.
I need some time out from everyone but everyone seems to be coming at me at full volume. I also find asking for help difficult but that when I do ask for help, it is either ignored or I am told to manage things better. I feel like I can't win.
You need some time out from everyone - you said it. Your only job now is to figure out how to get that time out, or intend you will get it, know you will and follow the lead of your instinct and it will lead you there. If you don't give yourself what you need, can you blame others for not giving you what you need either?