Published on 12, July, 2020
I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
Was she being sarcastic? I find myself constantly asking if somebody is being sarcastic if I've said something and not got the response I expected. I have a real problem determining what is an honest reply and what is sarcasm.
Yeah, same for me! I used to think that I had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm and knowing when people are joking but since diagnosis, if my husband says something and I think he's being serious and start getting annoyed, he now tells me that he was just joking and I've realised how often I think someone is speaking honestly when actually they are just joking.
I’ve never had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm or when people are joking, so I guess in that respect my diagnosis wasn’t a surprise, and I have always had to ask if people are being serious or not. I can’t work it out, so I don’t try, I just ask people to tell me. It saves a lot of confusion and time spent trying to work it out. Most of the time I don’t really care one way or the other so in those instances I usually just leave it but if I want to know, I just ask.
That’s what I’m talking about, lol, it’s like others see the opposite of what we’re doing. No one gets my jokes either, and I think they’re hilarious!
It’s just another weird phenonmen of the mind. It will all become clear one day and in the meantime, for now anyway, it is simply fascinating, to me. There’s never any confusions when I’m with my autistic friends though and they never get insulted by me or anything. It’s weird, because I talk the way I always do but it’s not a problem when I’m with them!
You know the other thing I get is that if I make a joke, other people think that I'm being serious, they don't realise that I'm joking. Maybe we just joke on a different level to non-autistic people?
Haha yeah, we do seem to have our special reactions reserved for a special few, although I’m not sure they feel that special when we unleash ourselves on them, unrestrained! Lol! But if it’s your husband, then he loves you and I’m sure he loves you all the more for it :)
It doesn’t always end well to ask either though. Some people think I’m being sarcastic or just plain stupid or something, so I’m also learning to not ask, in certain situations, although so far, not so good ~ I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut and I think, if I’m in this conversation, I want to know what you’re talking about! But many people don’t like to be questioned as they often think you’re questioning them or what they’re actually saying as opposed to simply questioning what they’re saying in order to understand it, before you even get on to thinking about questioning what they’re actually saying, once you’ve understood it! lol! Oh the joys of communication ️
Just asking is a good idea. Unfortunately for my husband I tend to just get reactive rather than ask, that reaction is only reserved for him though :-) I'm usually more measured with other people