Published on 12, July, 2020
I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
Was she being sarcastic? I find myself constantly asking if somebody is being sarcastic if I've said something and not got the response I expected. I have a real problem determining what is an honest reply and what is sarcasm.
Yeah, I have to ask people and if it is sarcasm, they then have to explain that to me as well! Lol! Some of the sarcasm I can understand, after an explanation has been given, but most of it doesn’t make sense to me. I ask them as well, are you being honest? Because I’m not always sure and I think if I’m not sure now, I’ll never be, so I just ask people and I get mixed responses but it’s better than me thinking, are they being sarcastic, what do they even mean, are they being honest?!?!?! People who know me are used to my line of questioning, or interrogation as my sister calls it, and those who don’t know me, soon realise I ask a lot of questions! Lol! And often, they’re so bizarre nobody has ever been asked them before but because of that, it somehow makes them warm to me and they end up giving me loads of info and we end up striking up a lovely little friendship (as I call it), interaction (as most people call it).
Yeah, same for me! I used to think that I had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm and knowing when people are joking but since diagnosis, if my husband says something and I think he's being serious and start getting annoyed, he now tells me that he was just joking and I've realised how often I think someone is speaking honestly when actually they are just joking.