I was just scrolling through and reading some of the older posts on here when I began to realise that even though I love reading, when I come on here and read posts, it's so much more than just reading.
I was off the forum for several months, mostly while I was having intensive one to one autism support. And even though I missed the people on here, I didn't realise just how important coming on here is to me.
It's like I get that feedback, that I think nt's get on a daily basis. It doesn't come from somebody agreeing with you or you with agreeing with them. It's more like a deeper sense of identification and I think it's a necessary part of our human make up, whether we're nt or nd. We're social creatures but a tiger, for example, isn't going to do as well with a group of sheep as he is with a group of tigers.
My friends at my autism group are so different to me in every single way, apart from having autism, yet we get on so well. There are none of the arguments that happen when I'm with nt's. You know how I talk on here ~ few can understand me ~ well I talk like that with them also (because this is how I talk!) and it doesn't cause arguments and even though they haven't got a clue what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter, the conversations continue. It's like there's a deeper level of understanding, that surpasses what we say. Our conversations are so random and I've said it before, they're also almost childlike, but they feel real and natural and enjoyable. More so than even when I'm talking about my special subject, because that's really just me talking.
It's like when I communicate with nt's, it's almost like I want to treat them like my teddies. I want to line them up and have them simply listen to me and when I've finished, I just want to put them away again. But when I'm with my autistic friends, it's different. I'm actually learning about them and getting to know them. I'm actually doing that thing they call 'building friendships'.
I feel so honoured that one of my friends (I sit with 3 guys) who has been going to the group way longer than me and lives in the area where the group is, and they all know each other anyway, has opened up to me in a way that he hasn't to anybody else. He always gets images in his head that make him laugh, but he never tells anybody what he's laughing about. He always says nothing. But he's started telling me. In fact, I now know when he wants to tell me. I can tell from his facial expressions and body language (I've never been able to do this before!) that he wants to tell me, so I ask him, and he doesn't hesitate, he gets right in there and tells me straight away. This means that I am able to successfully read his body language.
I also learn a lot from my autistic friends because even though I'm older than them (in years on this planet), they've all been autistic longer than me, meaning they've had their diagnosis longer, so they have a lot to teach me.
Financially, there's a huge gap between them and me but that doesn't even come into it. It doesn't matter that we don't share the same interests or have any similarities in our life styles because we get on regardless of all those outer, superficial things.
I guess if I ever have doubts about being autistic (even though I have an official diagnosis), I should just look around at who I am most comfortable being around. Even my 'deficiencies' i.e. my inability to read body language, is not true when I'm with autistic people. Ok this is only one time when I've been good at reading body language but I did do it.
I guess we're all just like animals really. We are most comfortable in our own pack. The difference is, human beings have something animals don't have, even though most humans don't make use of this faculty at this current time in our history, and even different kinds of animals live peacefully side by side.
Anyway, my point was (before I go off on a tangent, whatever a tangent is!) ~ would an nt person even suspect they're autistic (if they're not), and if they did, would they obsess about it as much as many of us did and still do sometimes and would they relate to us as well as we relate to each other and would they feel like they had found home, their people, their tribe, their pack, if they weren't?
BlueRay said:Anyway, my point was (before I go off on a tangent, whatever a tangent is!) ~ would an nt person even suspect they're autistic (if they're not), and if they did, would they obsess about it as much as many of us did and still do sometimes and would they relate to us as well as we relate to each other and would they feel like they had found home, their people, their tribe, their pack, if they weren't?
I've met quite a few sad attention seekers who claim to be autistic (or whatever else is fashionable) because they are so cringingly 'average' and their lives are so dull that they crave the attention of being 'different'. Anything will do - they can claim to have any health problem mentioned in the media until they either forget or don't get what they want from those around them.
My sister in law is a classic case of dumb, bored housewife with nothing else in her life. Every time I see her she's suffering from some new self-diagnosed problem. And she claims to have Asperger's too. Clueless and very irritating.
They find sites like this to assimilate the underlying feelings so they can try to fake better. They look to collect identifying symptoms that they can wrap around themselves for sympathy.
They eventually get bored and move on to something easier to fake.
The only people that have continually told me they think they are on the spectrum, I would suspect probably are.
Somebody else I know said they thought they were autistic recently and I actually laughed. This person is very sociable and finds social interaction very easy. I told her I very much doubted it and she said "well I don't know, I'm very particular about certain things". I told her the other areas required for a diagnosis and she replied "I guess not". So she definitely didn't obsess about it. I think the thought had literally just occurred to her and she definitely doesn't relate to any of the things we struggle with. The only thing she does have difficulty with is seeing things from another person's perspective and when I say another person, I mean mine.
I could imagine other people that maybe have social anxiety or adhd or other conditions that can have similar effects may be more likely to suspect and obsess. And they probably would relate to us in many areas.
Not sure about someone that is truly NT though. I can't see them having the same obsessive mind not for the period of time we do. I know people that seem to obsess about something for a day or 2 and then they move on completely.
Hey, so I would say it would depend on the person, if they are tending towards introspection, their view on autism, the exposure they have to autism as a concept, correct interpretations or not to have it be brought to mind.
For myself. Autism since I learned of it has stayed somewhere in the back of my mind, experiencing a general sense of separation from "normal" people, that particularly brings it to mind. But I do not think that us exclusive to people who are autistic any deemed "strange" by society in general know that feeling well. People with strange hobbies, not interested in football pop music reality tv etc. I think they can experience this sense of separation being misunderstood. I think this is what tends people towards wondering, trying to understand why they are different and why the world at large seems to exclude them.
School made me wonder, working in a bar and admin made me wonder. Working in a lab environment with "weirdos" and joining hobbies with "weirdos" people just not as intent on being "normal" and this feeling fades. I had done tests out if idle curiosity got results suggesting more traits than NT but didn't really worry about it. I was happy being weird. Until I went through a lot NT or otherwise and had a breakdown/PTSD/autisticautistic meltdown still unsure of the term to use, all have been applied (about a year ago). I was told over and over that there was something wrong with me, by people I had cared about, then I began to obsess. It's still there a bit, I still don't have the answer no formal diagnosis. Unable to get doctors to listen, gave up trying for a while, new councillor suggested and I think was right that it was good for me to put that down for a while. I suspect I may fall a little short of the criteria for a full diagnosis as that test suggested. So if I am indeed NT then that's a yes your original question ha ha
Whoa, that’s interesting. I can’t imagine anybody wanting to be autistic if they’re not, or wanting to be different but I guess that comes from a lifetime of trying to be like everybody else!
I worked at a doctors surgery years ago and a doctor told me that they call people who go to the doctors a lot with fake illnesses, ‘fat envelopes’, in the days when things were hand written, as their little files just got fatter and fatter! I guess your sister in law’s a fat envelope!
Yes, people have said to me that line of ‘we are all a bit autsustic aren’t we?’ and they point out a trait and I think are you kidding me, you’d have to times that by a thousand before you’d come close!
That’s what I thought about nt’s, that they might consider it for a day or two but then they move on.
Ye. I get what people mean when they say about people having traits. Loads of NTs will share traits that autistic people have. But one or two traits is not nearly the same as being autistic.
It sounds like you could be (to me), lol, but probably because I don’t think an nt person would obsess or think about it so widely like this. And also because of how your mind works. For example, you can see how somebody who has an unusual hobby or who is in the minority for some other reason, might feel in some ways excluded like an autistic person might but it doesn’t mean they’re autistic.
I think there’s a deep sense of not trusting ourselves, in autistic people, which would make us question our selves and the idea that we could be autistic. Whereas I think an nt person might be more inclined to trust their instinct and be less likely to think about it so much. But I probably think like that because I don’t see nt people obsessing over things as much.
I’m not even sure what I’m saying anymore! Lol! I’ve been to a work capacity assessment this morning and I’m still strung out by it. But I love your answer. I’m going to keep pondering it some more. I think I’m thinking about it since I tried the Ritalin because now I’m thinking what if I’m not autistic, what if it’s just ADHD. Which is a totally stupid thing to obsess over because who cares, I am what I am, why am I even thinking about this??? Lol! So I was thinking, do nt people obsess about who they think they are so much!
I’m a little out of sorts anyways at present because of this assessment thing and my mind does tend to go into the repetitive thinking pattern when I’m under stress. So I better leave it at that. Thanks for your answer though and also, I didn’t think I met the criteria for autism but my psychiatrist said they’re looking for totally different things than what are in those online tests. I had said something and he said, for example, what you just said, an nt person wouldn’t say that, it’s totally autistic! And I’m only just realising how much I use my intelligence to mask the so called deficits which make them almost invisible even to me. I really want to know now if you are or aren’t! Lol! Thanks anyway :)
...and that made me laugh when you said your sister in law has difficulty in seeing another person’s perspective ~ yours, because I get that a lot! Lol
Yeah, that’s the way I see it. We are all human beings so we all share the same identity in that sense and autistic people aren’t aliens from another planet as if nothing about us could be like them, so of course we will all share similar traits but it doesn’t mean that if you (nt) have a trait similar to an autistic person, you’re autistic! And autism isn’t about traits, it’s about how we operate on the inside that outplays as certain traits that are different enough from the norm to be identified as different, but that’s not the root cause. We might look pretty calm on the outside but on the inside we’re dying and might have to sleep for a week to get over the interaction, not mentioning the preparation that went into it before hand, but nobody sees that and we rarely tell anybody, even if we have someone to tell! Lol!
It’s a weird thing. I still go through little phases of doubting my diagnosis but I think that it’s related to when I’m feeling more stressed or unsure in general.
It fascinates me that they say about autistic people not being able to see others points of view but the amount of times people say to me just do it, you'll like it. And I'm like no I won't like it, it'll stress me out beyond belief. It is not worth putting myself through that for something I don't even want to do. Yet I'm the one with the difficulty, not them.
Yeah, I know that one as well. I told the assessor today that I have a friend who keeps inviting me out and saying stuff like I shouldn’t isolate!!!! I have even told him bluntly, I’m not isolating, I’m looking after myself, it’s stressful being around people and I’m burned out. Short of saying f**k off and blocking his number I don’t know what else I could have said! I haven’t gone to my work program thing appointment today because the last time I saw her I looked her straight in the face and said, I’m only stressed when I have to come into contact with anybody who isn’t autistic. And she still didn’t listen and I was stressed out enough today with the other assessment so I thought what’s the point in going to not be listened to.
Even the guy said, I know you’re autistic but can you just do this?????? So what he was saying, is can you just switch yourself off a minute and let some phantom being step into your body and do something you can’t do!