Published on 12, July, 2020
Birthday parties seem to be repeatedly in the news. Some autistic child is upset because either he/she is not invited or school kids don't go to their party.
What are our experiences of birthday parties?
Well.... I've never had a birthday party in my honour! I just don't see the point. As a child I received a few birthday cards and presents from my immediate family and that's about it.
I've only attended a couple of small parties . And that was the girl next door, called Zinta. And I was under ten years old.
To me it's a mystery why people have these massive parties and everything that goes with it. A B l o o d y mystery?
Interesting question Robert.
When I was a young child I had birthday parties organised by my mum. They followed a set formula - pass the parcel, farmer's in the den, hunt the thimble - then birthday tea, sing happy birthday and blow out candles on the cake. i did not like being the centre of attention. Going to parties at other children's houses often felt very uncomfortable.
Got trickier when I was a teenager. No set formula. Luckily my birthday is in the xmas school holiday so I could escape without a party. Relatives organised an 18th birthday party for me - family and neighbours with some of my brother's friends. I celebrated my 21st birthday by having egg and chips in a bus station cafe (much more my thing!)
If it was up to me I wouldn't have had a wedding reception either - too much smiling - my face really hurt by the end. I knew I was supposed to be going round talking to people (there were only 20 there) but I just wanted to sit and listen to the music.
I've had some real problems at parties in adult life - I now recognise these were probably meltdowns. Too much stress and noise. Entertaining people is incredibly difficult for me - I've had meltdowns cooking xmas lunch so I don't do that anymore. We have a picnic.
Some people are energised when they are surrounded by other people - it's like recharging their battery to be in a noisy, crowded room. It's the opposite for me - I feel drained. I can't see the point of being with people when you can't even hear what they're saying. It's a cliche but you'll always find me in the kitchen at parties (if I can bring myself to go, which is unlikely!)
I've a similar experience to you Sunflower. I was fine with birthday parties as a child because they were structured and there was stuff to do. It didn't rely on having to make conversation. I don't particularly like being centre of attention either and cringe at people singing to me but as a child I loved blowing out the candles. My dad always made me a special birthday cake in the shape of something I liked so the cake was a big deal at my birthdays.
I don't have many memories of going to other people's birthday parties when I was little (apart from my brothers) but I'm sure that I did. My brothers were usually things like bowling and I was fine at that as again it had structure and involved doing something.
It was when I hit high school it started going wrong. I remember going to one person's birthday and we had done all the games, food etc and had been given time to play. Well I got awkward and didn't really know what to do. The person asked me if I was ok and I didn't know how to explain so I said I'm bored. Well that really upset the person so that didn't end well.
As I got older I was rarely invited to parties. I now know I wouldn't have coped with them anyway. I can't do parties that are full of people and loud music and expect you to dance, talk and be close to people.
Now I tend to avoid parties if possible. I can cope with a small gathering at someone's house. I've been to the odd 30th but generally don't stay very long or I spend the whole time sat there feeling really awkward.
That is so interesting - until Robert posted this question I hadn't thought much about birthday parties. Awkwardness and misunderstanding were common features once I got past the childhood party stage.
You are right about it being better to have some kind of activity to focus on. It's the small talk I find difficult and boring. Occasionally I meet someone with interests in common, then it's much easier.
When I get a party invitation my heart sinks. Me and my husband got ourselves uninvited from my niece's wedding for "not taking it seriously enough". We were absolutely delighted and went out on our own instead.
I have just accepted an invitation to a work xmas lunch and I am already regretting it. If I get my diagnosis I'm definitely cancelling.
I think I have a thinking or processing face as people in work often ask if I'm ok but I'm just focussed on what I'm doing. No idea what that face looks like. I think I'm usually aware when I'm smiling but I smile for a second or 2 and then go back to what ever my normal face is.
I wouldn't have eaten the custard either. I'm not good with cream or sauces either (Although desserts can be an exception because I do like toffee and chocolate sauce). I don't like it when they put green bits on your main course either. I don't want to eat green bits. My diet is extremely limited.
I was totally agreeing with you until you got to the part about liking sparkles and glitter. I hate glitter - I don't mind it to look at but I hate it getting all over me. I don't do dressing up either - ever.
I like the presents but I find them awkward at work. Prefer to keep that to.the family. I won't do the work Secret Santa. Too stressful.