Offending people

Do you ever offend other people unintentionally, like me?

I try to live a quiet life, not bothering other people.  But other people expect me to behave in a particular way and get very upset at things that don't really concern them.  

A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.

Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed.  I never had any intention of going to the ceremony.  The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me.  Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.

A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony.   She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.  

End result was that she was so upset.  I got uninvited to her family Christmas.

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  • Hi Robert,

    Whilst I believe that no one has a right not to be offended, that's really a separate issue here.  Yes, I do it a lot.  I don't even really think about what I'm saying half the time.  In more recent years, I've become a little more aware of it, and afterwards - if I've said something that I think might have upset someone - I'll obsess over it, then try to give an explanation next time I see them.  Quite often, I've been told in response "Ah... well I did wonder what you meant.  I did think it a little odd."  Several times - especially if my brother is involved - I've had sharp responses from people.  For instance, when I got married back in 2000, we had the formalities done at the Registry Office and only invited our parents.  The reason being that my ex-wife was a pagan, and the main thing for us was the next day, when we had a pagan hand-fasting.  Everyone was invited to that.  My brother, though, was upset that he hadn't been invited to the Registry Office - even though my ex-wife's brother wasn't invited either, and he was fine with it.  We explained it all beforehand to everyone, too.  Still... my brother thought it was a 'slap in the face.'

    I think it's a great shame about your sister's response.  It seems small-minded to me.  Almost - dare I say it - a typically NT response!

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