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The "what if" kicked in

Alien0n3arth

It's around one month to my assessment and the "what if" kicked in. I don't care much about diagnosis,  but I can't imagine myself not belonging here. This online community has done great at improving my mental health. I can't imagine how much I would cry if it turns out, this place is not for me, because I'm not autistic. 

Otherwise I need a doctor to state on a paper, why I shouldn't drive a car (pushing at work because my manager resigned)

I constantly have problems processing information and people often get annoyed or somehow worried about me reacting with delay.

I collected as much documentation as possible.  I was going to request a copy of one examination that was done 18 years ago,  they keep it up to 20 years after the examination. Then they destroy it. The problem is that I don't remember exactly what was the name of this examination,  date, I only know in which clinic and can only write the year. Tge only person, who could help me with the information is my mom, but I wouldn't trust her words because she lies and gaslight a lot. I already found examples of her twisting everything. 

I'm sorry for this rant. Maybe i dont deserve the privilege of belonging here. My little friends helped me calm down a little. 

  • this is normal pre-assessment jitters. I was exactly the same. I collected too much information - the psychologist looked at things that took my by surprise when she brought them up. After I had the diagnosis, it took a while to be free from of imposter syndrome, too. I didn't understand why others asaid they had it afterwards, but I ended up wondering whether the psychologist had got things wrong.

    Sometimes, the psychologist does get it wrong, which is so destructive for people. It won't make an ounce of difference about your presence here. Don't worry about that. people hugging

  • Assessments can cause so much anxiety, the 'What if's are really hard. I think though you've done the right thing by writing about it and taking some time to do something you enjoy, with taking photos of your dolls with your paintings. They are really lovely and bring your friends to life. I can imagine the second last one especially, they really look like they are walking along talking about something big and important, like one of your theories. It is difficult not to worry at all, but doing things to keep calm is a good idea, you seem to have done lots of good prep work.