How to help impatience

hehe - don't confuse my high verbal IQ with being clever tho' - there was probably a better way for me to have put it.  That said, I'd like to share this: it's a tricky balance making more of an effort when one may be close to the edge of one's window of tolerance in my personal experience Bridalwhistle .  Expanding the window of capability by developing insight and management strategies helps.  I am really pleased that you are feeling and being better!  All the best. :-) :-) :-)

That's very kind of you, and Ill admit I had to search what filal empathy was at first! The window of tolerance is important to acknowledge. But feeling more relieved and less impatient now thanks! I make more of an effort to recognise that other people do things differently without coming across as self-centered or anything. 

Hey Bridalwhistle !

Are you feeling less impatient now - has the post helped you?

Would like to know how you are getting on out of filial empathy!

Phased

It's kind of like my brain splits into two versions of me and they each use words to get their points across

I manage to find a compromise and then go back to being one person

 TheCatWoman Cinnabar_wing I really love those replies and intend to read them a few times today, so they really sink in. Thank you so much

A mini argument? What happens there? 

Thanks for the comment! Getting a third perspective is useful to know and something for me to keep in mind

Hi Bridalwhistle 

Happy I speak as one who is doing OK - thanks for asking (hehe or no messed up than usual!)

To respond and hope this helps:

As I understand it the "window of tolerance" for stressors may be smaller for an autistic person c/w a neurotypical person.  Dependent somewhat on what the individual "spiky profile" of the individual concerned and what aspect of life may be impinging on the profile's capacity.  Exploring where that inmpingement may lie could be something to help explain the experiences you are having Bridalwhistle .

Speaking personally finding that impinging issue can be problematic as since one may be so accustomed to "masking" in neurotypical society one can also "mask" issues from oneself.   Especially since there can be a "deeper" acknowledgement of a problem that circumstances conspire to mean that one can find it very difficult to consciously acknowledge the problem.  E.g. in my case I was being bullied and victimised at work and yet I had to continue working for very practical reasons of self and family support.  And yes, it was a foreshadowing of burnout.  (speaking as one who knows...)

It might be useful to obtain a "third person" perspective on the stressors in your life - a trusted individual, or a diary that one may review, or at the risk of being a bit "wacky" i personally have used a "divination" tool (in my case i use/d the i ching) to get another perspective on how to see what was happening to me (disclaimer!!! do so with a healthy awareness that when stressed one may "clutch at straws"!!!) Or increasingly these days people are able to explore with professional psycho/social support and maybe even explore the subject with a good old fashioned bit of research in books/information technology or even AI (again the necessary disclaimer...)

Speaking personally the thing I am most challenged by as an autistic person is cause and effect in relationship to social communication issues - maybe start there and see if anything jumps out at you?

Best wishes.

Phased

I agree with thecatwomen and cinnabar_wing 

although sometimes I get impatient with myself - then I have a mini argument in my head which is always fun :sarcasm:

Accept that about 99% of other people are idiots! Seriously though, what CInnabar-Wing said, impatience does get worse when you're tired, overwhelmed and near burnout.

But also seriously what is it about the behaviour of others that annoys you so much and makes you impatient? Is it because they're not doing things the same way you do them? Or are they deliberately trying to get out of doing things by doing them so badly they never get asked again?

I know the more tired I am, the less patient I am too. And if you get sensory overwhelm, say it's really noisy, it can also make it worse. Burnout would definitely have an effect, as your ability to cope is lower, and your then closer to meltdowns/shutdowns all the time. It would be worth looking into to see if you relate to how else you are feeling?

Resting more helps a lot, as is finding things that ground you as then you can cope with more and not have such a short fuse. And if you feel you might snap, try walk away, that sometimes works too, but won't solve the cause of it.