Mixed thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for your response! Yes I definitely have a spikey profile, can learn a language on my own to perfection but can't use it to find friends. 

I can't add more than the brilliant things people have already said. I'm glad you're here.

Here are a few points:

There is a simple blood test for diabetes. It didn't used to be done that way. Do we say too many people are being tested, we should ignore it and test the old way? Same for cholesterol, should we stop testing it?

So if diagnosis for autism is now available that was not 25 years ago, should we say don't bother testing? No, we should use the tools available if it helps people to adjust their lives to make themselves more comfortable. It's called progress.

If I break one arm, should I not got to hospital because some people have 2 broken arms, or a broken leg? No, if some people are less fortunate or have a slightly different issue, it does not invalidate your struggle. It is not a competition to see who is worst affected.

Being impaired does not mean you can't do anything. It means you have a spiky profile and can struggle with some things. It also does not mean you are permanently impaired, you can vary depending on how stressed or overloaded you are, how close to burnout you are. If you have long term consistent patterns that prevent you living a normal life, that affect relationships, career, friends, cause isolation, cause emotional problems and confusion, you have additional challenges. If doing this are harder than for others, you limit what you do, it becomes harder to keep up, pay bills, keep the house tidy, maintain things. Each person's mix is different. Having burnout, shutdowns, sleep issues, anxiety, stress responses, etc. makes life harder. Can you keep going, maybe as you have no choice, but at what cost?

Autists are typically very concerned about claiming the label unjustly. I think it is quite a good indicator. Just like researching autism obsessively once you suspect.

Guilt is an internal thing. Someone can't force you to feel guilty, it is something you do to yourself, based upon learned behaviour and rules you have set. These rules may not be fair or accurate. You may be judging yourself too harshly.

Autism is partly a communication issue. So being misunderstood and misunderstanding things is part of it. This makes you susceptible to being too sensitive to other people's opinions. It also makes you doubt yourself, apologise, wonder if you are worthy. All the things you have said are completely consistent.

You are not going crazy. You are just going through the process. I thought all the same things. Just be kind to yourself.

Thank you for your answer. Every fracture needs treatment, doesn't matter if simple or compound. I don't consider myself normal. I'm almost 38 and people treat me like a child, they call me "the little one" they take advantage of me, don't listen to me, don't take me seriously. I have an assistant for my daughter and she said we have to work on my facial expressions,  because my daughter doesn't get my emotions from my face. I used to cry, hit my head and scream, for ehat sins I was born in this body. Now im kinda tired of everything I experienced in my life.

Thank you for your answer. You definitely gave a different perspective and I don't want you or anyone else you feel guilty for wanting to belong or any other human need. I'm also stuck with wrong diagnoses- depression and tourette. I was multiple times hospitalised because I can't cope with the stress of daily life. Doctors didn't find anything in my heart or stomach so they called me hysterical and I finally ended up in psychiatry where I was given meds antidepressants and was told to think positively. Autism makes sense to me. Now I have a confirmed dates of my assessment but my therapist is trying to set it for me with another psychologist,  it's still not sure if they confirm. I would rather stick with the lady I already booked for autumn.

I don't feel you're guilty of anything, you've always said you've not been diagnosed, but recognise autism in yourself. 

There are always people who are genuinely worse of than you, there always will be, but would you not seek treatment for a normal fracture because it's not a compound one? No of course not, you'd just feel empathy with those who have compound fractuers and lucky because you weren't as badly hurt as you could have been.

I function quite well in daily life too, but then I've arranged my life to suit myself and have done for years, but it dosen't make me any less autistic, dyslexic or crap at maths, it just means I know my limitations as well as my strengths.

I think you're fine and a normal autistic person, struggling with a world thats judgemental and enjoys ranking people according to thier suffering, there is no hierarchy of suffering, we just suffer and get by as best we can.

I understand how you feel, but I'll try to give you a different perspective.

I'm not diagnosed but know about my autistic traits, and I joined here to get a sense of belonging. So should I feel guilty? I'm sure you would say I shouldn't, therefore neither do you.

Other members here sought a diagnosis to give them clarity, even if like you they can work and function ok in daily life. They had a right to do this and so do you.

People who are angry about the "trend" in diagnosis are usually misinformed, they do not realise that because autism wasn't understood until recent years, people weren't diagnosed who would be now, so diagnoses are obviously going to increase. You're not responsible for their lack of.knowledge.

And yes, some people have been stuck with misdiagnosis for decades, so it's good that many people, including us, are starting to learn why we're different.