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Mixed thoughts and feelings.

Alien0n3arth

I'm sorry, decided to share it here. I feel guilty. Guilty for not being diagnosed,  but knowing about my autistic traits (this is tge only thing I'm sure, that I do have these autistic traits since early childhood). Guilty for claiming the label in order to belong. Guilty for seeking formal diagnosis,  because I function too good in daily life. I can go somewhere alone, I can cook clean, do shopping etc. I feel disabled but I question if it's enough in comparison with many others. Then there are angry voices of people who struggle more, because of this "trend diagnosis". So I'm one of those who cause someone more pain and it makes me feel awful. Sometimes I would like to go back in time to the point before I found out about autism. I'm going crazy probably. I'm sorry, for sharing this. I heard an interview,  where one psychologist said, that there are suddenly people seeking the diagnosis,  people who wouldn't seek it 20 years ago. Ok, these people (most of them) are stuck in the system for decades with misdiagnosis. It's all messy and I need clarity. I feel bad, guilty, and confused.

Parents

  • I don't feel you're guilty of anything, you've always said you've not been diagnosed, but recognise autism in yourself. 

    There are always people who are genuinely worse of than you, there always will be, but would you not seek treatment for a normal fracture because it's not a compound one? No of course not, you'd just feel empathy with those who have compound fractuers and lucky because you weren't as badly hurt as you could have been.

    I function quite well in daily life too, but then I've arranged my life to suit myself and have done for years, but it dosen't make me any less autistic, dyslexic or crap at maths, it just means I know my limitations as well as my strengths.

    I think you're fine and a normal autistic person, struggling with a world thats judgemental and enjoys ranking people according to thier suffering, there is no hierarchy of suffering, we just suffer and get by as best we can.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you for your answer. Every fracture needs treatment, doesn't matter if simple or compound. I don't consider myself normal. I'm almost 38 and people treat me like a child, they call me "the little one" they take advantage of me, don't listen to me, don't take me seriously. I have an assistant for my daughter and she said we have to work on my facial expressions,  because my daughter doesn't get my emotions from my face. I used to cry, hit my head and scream, for ehat sins I was born in this body. Now im kinda tired of everything I experienced in my life.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you for your answer. Every fracture needs treatment, doesn't matter if simple or compound. I don't consider myself normal. I'm almost 38 and people treat me like a child, they call me "the little one" they take advantage of me, don't listen to me, don't take me seriously. I have an assistant for my daughter and she said we have to work on my facial expressions,  because my daughter doesn't get my emotions from my face. I used to cry, hit my head and scream, for ehat sins I was born in this body. Now im kinda tired of everything I experienced in my life.

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