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Stuck and terrified

Alien0n3arth

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

  • If you are autistic, a diagnosis is just a confirmation, nothing more. It has no effect on who you are. Nothing objectively scary.

    Autistic people tend to be rather more understanding of problems and people's foibles than the average Joe. Nothing objectively scary.

    Whether or not you are autistic, if you have mental health problems, you should receive appropriate medical help. Nothing objectively scary.

    There is nothing objectively scary in any of the possibilities you describe.

  • You're catastrophising, you have black and white thinking, you've narrowed your perspective, you are seeing things as a threat.

    This is not your fault. Don't panic. You are stressed and stress causes these things. Cognitive distortions are normal. Everyone does them when stressed, it is a question of degree.

    Try to be calm, get some sleep and first thing in the morning, before you get stressed, things feel better. Sometimes you wake and your thoughts race. But if calm you will get a better picture.

    You are associating diagnosis with failure, being not good enough, being exposed, that your efforts were for nothing, that you are broken. So of course you are scared. But they're not true. They are being shaped by your preconceived ideas.

    You just think differently. It has some effects, but they're manageable once you know the root cause.

    The reason for the diagnosis is so they know how to treat you. Trauma is similar but is treated differently if you are not autistic.

    You are worried about logistics, which is normal. Try not to worry about things you don't know yet. There will be a solution.

    You have someone who is taking you seriously, is listening and its trying to help, that's a big step. Try not to feel threatened. It will change your routines, which is what you are responding to. It upsets the current coping strategies. It also challenges your identity. It is anticipatory anxiety.

    I can't say it is easy, it caused me a lot of issues, but it helps eventually. But do you really want to know? If you don't, honestly, then you don't have to do it. 

  • Maybe, if it all seems too much to deal with altogether, just look at each step at a time? So you did great last week, you did what you needed and you managed till you could see your doctor. If he says the best thing is to have an assessment, maybe just focus on this, rather than trying to think too far ahead. It can be scary, it does feel scary, and very vulnerable too. But it's one step on the path to figuring yourself out, which I hope will be good thing for you!