Stuck and terrified

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

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  • Hi Alien. Its hard to hear how torn and overwhelmed you must be feeling. I can relate in the fact I had a breakdown in 2022 & nearly gave up. Been on meds since I was a teenager & diagnosed with ASD in my forties. I experienced similar worries, reservations prior to my diagnosis but for me personally, I needed this diagnosis to explain why I have struggled for so long & never quite felt I had a place in this world. Now I am v slowly starting to feel the opposite. Each diagnosis is different for everyone, but just know that this community has been extremely reassuring & supportive, for which I am grateful. The main thing is that I now feel much less alone - I hope you come to feel the same. 

  • Thank you for your answer.  Yes, this community is open and supportive. The local community here where I'm living seems to not be like this. That's why I'm a bit scared. There is one youtuber who says constantly that all those who want the diagnosis are imposters, wanna have "the genius syndrome" or "Einstein Syndrome" and it's all fake and he behaves as if he and his "brotherhood" were the only ones suffering in this world and if someone suspects autism in themselves- they are "problematic" for him. I don't care what opinion has a youtuber, who makes a career on YouTube, with his autism,  but I'm afraid there would be more like him. I had also a negative experience from the local forum- I got bullied, ridiculed by an autistic person. Yes, I was bullied at school, at work and not only and now I also get bullied by an autistic person where I expected some more understanding. It shows clearly, that some autistic people may also behave nasty.

  • How awful that you were bullied at a support group!

    Was there no moderator at the group who could have challenged this person, did nobody stand up for you?

  • No, there was not. This site is best for me and I tried 3. In that forum I was also a user of second category because of lack of official diagnosis. And laughed at for taking things literally.  I stopped using that forum, it's also not as interesting as here.

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