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Stuck and terrified

Alien0n3arth

After a mental breakdown and me going on meds, my therapist said I should be assessed for autism. And here I'm terrified of possibly receiving this diagnosis. I would like to join a support group,  for that I need the formal diagnosis. I'm also afraid of the group. I'm married, I have a child, a part time job, I'm seemingly too successful to be autistic.  I'm afraid of being hated by other members of the group for joining in, while I may seem, from someones perspective to not have any unusual struggles in life. I tried to find a trauma therapy,  but couldn't. My therapist said he doesn't think that the trauma therapy alone would help me. He said now the most important thing is the formal diagnosis.  I do need long term assistance from mental health professionals,  meds periodically, therapies etc. I'm lucky I didn't hurt myself over a week ago. Now im stable although I struggle with getting used to tge side effects. As someone here suggested,  I started writing a diary. Now im terrified of being possibly labeled autistic.  I'm also terrified of not receiving any help. Once I thought I would deserve a confirmation of my struggles, now my point if view evolved. Currently I'm waiting for information if the assessment would be done in our town or I have to find some other clinic outside. Or maybe give up all this... I don't know what to do. Has anyone felt this way before assessment?

Parents

  • I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling. There's plenty of support, on here and elsewhere without needing a diagnosis. And you may seem to be managing well to other people, but only you know how hard things are for you. Before my assessment, I felt like I didn't need to be seen because I didn't know that other people didn't struggle as much as I did and I thought what if I go through it, just to be told I'm not autistic - that's what I was most scared of because otherwise I wouldn't know why I feel how I do. But there's no harm in trying, at least then if you are diagnosed, you will be able to get more help and support. And if not, you can hopefully find out what it is you do struggle with. 

  • in reply to Larissa

    Here local support groups require the official diagnosis. (I'm not in UK). I'm fine hearing that im not autistic,  but I wanna hear what's the other reason of my struggles.  I will not accept an answer just "no" without any other explanation and no support. But I have very little power to fight back. My therapist took care of my paper work, I was amazed actually because I needed to apply for funding the therapy to the health insurance and my therapist did it for me. Now he (he promised) to call the diagnostic center in our local psychiatry hospital on my behalf to ask if they would give me appointments. He also suggested I can look myself in other town but I'm so confused snd overwhelmed that I don't know what to do and how to find.

    Actually one thing would be sad- if I'm not autistic,  then I should leave thus forum and I feel so good here, I don't wanna go anywhere. I know that nobody forces me to leave, but I would feel like taking space that is not meant for me. Currently I'm in "suspected" state, some call it "self diagnosis". 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I've been thinking about this dilemma. You have over the years amassed a lot of knowledge about autism and things that help people and are yourself very relatable. So even if you didn't get a clear diagnosis (sometimes people have to get a second opinion to get it), I think you are a great asset to this forum and it would be of great benefit to stay and discuss that knowledge and understanding.

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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I've been thinking about this dilemma. You have over the years amassed a lot of knowledge about autism and things that help people and are yourself very relatable. So even if you didn't get a clear diagnosis (sometimes people have to get a second opinion to get it), I think you are a great asset to this forum and it would be of great benefit to stay and discuss that knowledge and understanding.

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